Humans 101
by BlackFalcon1800
Summary: A series of oneshots depicting things the 'bots learn about their human friends. Some things they find quite fascinating, some a little odd, and some they really could have lived without knowing about.
1. Hair

Chapter 1: Hair

A/N: I have no idea what the 'bots knew of humans prior to meeting Jack Miko and Raf, and I have no idea what they had learned of humans after meeting them, so I'm just kinda going partly with what they indicate on the show and partly with what I thought up in my mind...okay, mostly with what I thought up in my mind. I hope you like it!

Oh, and if any of you are reading my story 'When Heroes Meet' I'm afraid it's gonna be a little while until the next chapter is put up. I've got writers block on it and if I try to write it now it'll just end up being crummy. So please be patient, I'll work on it as soon as I get re-inspired.

Disclaimer: Do I look like I own Hasbro? Well I don't, so I don't own this either.

Rated T for discussions of human anatomy in some chapters.

* * *

Ratchet was actually kinda happy right now, mostly cause the base was quiet. All the bots were out on a energon hunt so he had the base all to himself. Well, not completely, he had to bridge Miko and Raf into the base since their guardians were busy, and was expecting a ground bridge request from Jack any minute. But it felt like he had the base to himself, mostly because Miko was actually being quiet! Yes, you heard me, quiet! For some reason she was content to sit and listen to music on her phone until Bulkhead came back. She was using headphones so Ratchet couldn't hear the heavy metal, as soon as he had learned of their existence he bought some for her so his audio receptors could get a rest (No one knows where he got the money). Raf was quietly typing away on his computer, a trait that was one of the reasons Ratchet liked him more than most humans.

A ping interrupted his train of thought, it was Jack requesting a ground bridge just like he expected. He typed in the coordinates and activated the bridge, Jack walked through the swirling portal a few seconds later.

While he was closing the bridge Ratchet couldn't help but notice that something was off with Jack. It wasn't his clothes, he was wearing the same jeans, white long-sleeve, and gray t-shirt that he always did. He was the same height, same weight, same face, same h- no, wait. It was his helm! It looked smaller, well, at least the top part. The black part of his helm had been altered! He must have gotten into a fight and broken it! Why hadn't he told his mother? She was a nurse after all. Ugh, patients, they never like to admit they're hurt until it's critical.

"Jack, what happened to your head?"

Jack stopped in his tracks, confused by the medics words. "What? What are you talking about?"

"Your head has been injured, why didn't you go to your mother? You need to have it looked at right away, head injuries are not to be taken lightly!" Ratchet scolded.

"Are you talking about my haircut?"

"Your what?" Was that the name for this specific injury?

"My haircut. Mom said it was getting too long so she cut it last night."

"Your mother intentionally harmed you?! For looks?!" And just when he thought humans couldn't get any lower! Actually mutilating her sons helm just because she didn't like how it looked! Oh, he would be sure and have a nice looooong talk with Mrs. Darby when he saw her.

"What? No! Haircuts are not injuries." Jack replied, raising his hands in defence.

Miko decided to pipe up, having taken off her headphones at Jacks arrival.

"Yeah Doc Bot, everybody gets a haircut at least once in their life, and it just so happened that Jack here was due for a trim."

Whaaaaaaaat? "It's a common thing among humans to cut away pieces of their helm at least once in their life?"

"Well, it grows back."

"What?"

"Yeah, hair just keeps growing. That's why we get it cut, cause if you didn't it would be, like, super duper long! And it's nice to get it cut and styled once in a while."

This was getting more confusing with every second. "So humans chip away parts of their helm, even though it's painful, ju-"

"What? No, it doesn't hurt. Unless your stylist is a complete jerk and keeps yanking on it."

Ratchet didn't know what to think anymore. So Raf decided to step in and clarify for the confused medic.

"Yeah, hair doesn't have any nerves in it, it's not even alive, so even though it hurts to have it pulled and tangled, the actual hair can't feel pain. So it doesn't hurt when you get it cut. And yes Ratchet, hair does grow. For some people it grows until a certain point and then stops, for some people it constantly grows and never stops. That's one of the big reasons people get their hair cut, to keep it from getting too long and uncomfortable for them."

"Ah." Now it was all starting to make sense. "Interesting" Ratchet said, thinking about what he had just heard. "So what is the purpose of hair? Is it meant for protection? Or is it just for appearance?"

"Mostly for looks. People style it to look good to others, to look good for a possible future spouse, and just for themselves a lot of the time."

"So that's why Miko painted her hair black and pink? To look good to others?"

Miko sat up."Woah dude, black is my natural color, I added the stripe cause I think it looks rad! Not cause I think other people would like it."

To prove her point she showed the top of her head and pointed to where the pink stripe met her scalp. Ratchet bent down to look closer at where she was pointing and saw that she was right.

While the black hair was black all the way to the scalp, the pink stripe was only pink until right above the head, where it reverted back to black.

So humans painted themselves just like Cybertronians when they wanted a new look. Maybe they weren't as different as he thought. "Hmm, interesting. Anything else about hair I should know about?"

"Why are you so interested in hair Doc Bot?" Miko asked jumping up from the couch.

"I wish to expand my knowledge of humans since we are living among them, you are a very interesting species, and this seems like a good time to start learning about your kind."

Raf looked up from his laptop and adjusted his glasses. "Well we would be happy to teach you about humans if you want. So, another thing about hair is that we need to wash it regularly like the rest of our body. Our skin is constantly emitting oils and shedding dead skin, but these things get caught in our hair, making it oily and full of we call 'dandruff', we need to use special products to wash these out. And we also need to brush it regularly to get tangles and knots out of it."

These humans sure needed a lot of grooming.

Miko decided to further educate the good doctor on hair and where it grows. "We don't just grow it on our heads, it's on our eyelids and eyebrows too! Come to think of it, it's all over us! It's just a lot more noticeable on our faces and heads.

Ratchet couldn't believe that they grew hair on their optic lids. But when he leaned in to get a better view of Miko's face he saw that yes, there was hair on their optic lids! And hair made up their optic ridges as well, which wasn't that odd, the dark hair made their optic ridges more prominent and easier to read, so that wasn't too weird. But why did they have it around their optics?

"What is the purpose of having it on your eyes?" He asked, quite baffled at the placement of the strange substance.

"It keeps dust, dirt and other small things from getting in and hurting our eyes." Jack answered.

Well at least this particular hair had a purpose other than looks.

Wait. Didn't Miko say that hair was all over there bodies? "You said that hair is everywhere on you. Just what do you mean by 'everywhere'?" Jack decided to answer this. "Well, there are tiny hairs almost everywhere on our bodies. The only places that I can think of where there isn't any is our hands, the soles of our feet, some places on our faces, and probably a few other places, but I'm not sure. The hairs are so tiny though that you can hardly see them except in places like our legs, arms, armpits, and in guys, their chests."

"Yeah." Miko interjected "Guys also grow hair on their faces called beards. It's kinda shows their manliness. And when teens hit puberty they grow hair in-" "AND he doesn't need to know about that Miko." Jack quickly and loudly interuppted.

Hair on their faces, hair on their bodies, hair on their head, hair wherever Miko was about to mention that he really didn't want to know about, these weren't 'fleshies' they were 'hairies'. At least there wasn't anything else weird to learn about hair.

"We also have hair in our noses. Wanna see?" Miko reached for her nose.

"No thank you! I think I've learned enough for one day." Just then Ratchet got a comm from Optimus requesting a ground bridge. 'Saved by the bell' he thought as he answered it and prepared the bridge.

The green swirling portal opened up and the 'bots drove in, three of them going to their human charges.

As Arcee approached Jack she noticed something. "Jack! What happened to your head? Why didn't you tell me you were hurt?"

Ratchet groaned. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

A/N: Hope you all liked it! Feel free to leave a review and tell me what you thought of this chapter and tell me any ideas you have for future chapters!


	2. The Digestive System

A/N: Wow. This story has gotten more follows/favorites than any other story I've done so far. And I'm only on the first chapter! When I read the reviews and saw how many follows/favorites I had gotten after just a few hours I had a happy heart attack! :D

The idea for this chapter is kinda what inspired me to write it. Which, considering the content, is...kinda weird.

Hayden101: Thanks for the idea for a future chapter! I hadn't thought of that 'till I read your review. That chapter is going to be very interesting. Mwa ha ha ha!

Ratchet's Sparkling: So glad you liked it! I had to look up anthropologist on Google 'cause I didn't know what it meant. :) And the award for stupidest person of the year goes to...Me! (I get that award a lot.) I love your profile pic! I have the same one for my Tumblr.

A big thank you to everyone who favorited/followed/reviewed this story! It makes me so happy when you do!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. My parents buy most of my stuff. Including the clothes I'm wearing. O_O I. Own. Nothing.

Rated T for discussion of human anatomy in some chapters.

And in case you didn't figure out from the title, this chapter talks about the human digestive system. I tried to describe the last part clinically and make it kinda vague.

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Chapter 2: The digestive system

After a bout with the Decepticons, and a successful energon raid, the 'bots would have liked nothing more than to sit back, relax, and enjoy the victory. But idle hands are the devil's workshop (or playground, something like that) so Optimus and Bumblebee had gone out on patrol, and Arcee went to pick Jack up from his job. Ratchet was somewhere doing something sciency, nobody really knew exactly where, but he was in the base and that was good enough for them.

So Bulkhead, free of responsibility, was watching Raf and Miko playing video games. Miko was an expert at video games, but Raf was an expert with technology, so it was pretty close.

First Raf would take the lead, then Miko, then Raf, then Miko, then Raf, then Miko, and Raf passes her just before the finish line!

"Yes!" Raf shouted out his victory while Miko tossed her controller on the couch in defeat, followed by a pout on her face.

"You may have won this time mister, but I will be walking away the winner before we're through! But first I gotta go use the bathroom."

As she hopped off the couch and started a brisk walk toward the restroom in the back Bulkhead looked after her in confusion. "Why do you need to go there? Do you need to wash yourself?"

Miko stopped and looked at him. "Umm...no. I need to 'use the bathroom'." "I don't...What?" "Ugh, I gotta go now! Raf, you explain." Raf's head snapped up. "What? Why me?" "Because you're the only other one here who can explain it and I need to go NOW. Good luck!" She ran into the back even as Raf yelled after her.

Left alone with Bulkhead he looked at the still confused wrecker. "So, you wanna know what that was all about huh?" "Well, yeah. It must be pretty important for you to get so upset." Bulkhead replied. He was curious now and just had to know what it was that made Miko leave in such a hurry. He didn't know she wanted to wash herself so bad. Humans were very demanding at times.

"Well, not THAT important. But maybe it is time you learned of our digestive system."

Wait. What did consuming energy have to do with grooming?

Raf grabbed his laptop and after a bit of typing he showed Bulkhead a diagram of the human body. Or at least, what was inside of it.

"You see, unlike Cybertronians, humans have a much larger variety of energy sources. While you consume energon for the most part, humans can consume a large variety of foods, including meats, fish, fruits, vegetables, dairy, and a few others. There are lots of things that humans are able to eat, it's just that not all of them taste good, so humans stick with certain food that they like."

They could consume more than one thing! That makes sense, he never heard of a food war. He had heard of a 'food fight', but that was on a very small scale and didn't involve death. "Wow, so humans can eat a lot of different things? It must be easy for you to find food with so many choices."

"Yeah, I guess. But anyway, we need to eat a variety of foods so that we get the vitamins and minerals we need to function." So if they didn't eat different foods, they got sick? Maybe having one energy source wasn't so bad after all.

"So the first thing we do is, obviously, eat the food which travels down the throat into the stomach." As he explained, he pointed to the different parts of the body on the screen.

"In the stomach the food is broken down with acidic stomach juices and enzymes, then it passes into the small intestine where with the aid of the liver, gallbladder, and other organs, it takes most of the nutrients and water out of the food and sends it on to be processed further."

All this happened in their squishy bodies? Bulkhead always thought that their body just absorbed whatever they ate directly into their body. Who knew that all these 'organs' where packed in there? How did they all fit anyway?

His thoughts were interrupted when Raf continued with the explanation. "Then it passes into the large intestine where any last nutrients are extracted, and what's left is waste. The liquid waste leaves through here, and the solid, through here." He explained, pointing to the places he described.

"But that's-" "Yes, that's where the waste comes out, and that is why Miko had to use the restroom, to get rid of the waste."

Bulkhead didn't know what to think. This was pretty disgusting. Cybertronians didn't emit much waste at all since energon was pretty much pure energy. But this. This was ridiculous! And all humans functioned like this? No wonder Ratchet disliked humans, these organics were pretty gross sometimes.

Of course, that didn't mean he didn't love Miko anymore, he just needed to wrap his processor around all this.

"Uh...Thanks Raf, that was...very informative. I uh, gotta go and do...something...right away."

"Sure, Bulk." Raf knew this was a lot for the wrecker to take in and he needed some time to process this, so he let him leave without any questions.

Bulkhead got up, and with a dazed look on his face he slowly walked toward the exit, planning on going for a drive...a long drive.

Optimus chose that moment to walk in, having just returned from his patrol, and saw the look on the green mech's face. "Bulkhead? Are you alright?" "Huh? Yeah, fine boss. I just uh, have to do something...yeah." And he quickly transformed and raced out of the base.

Optimus stared after him in confusion, and then walked over to Raf. "Rafael, do you know what is troubling Bulkhead?" "Nothing really important Optimus. He just learned something about our biology." "What is it about humans that troubled him?" "Um."

Just then Miko walked in from her trip. "Hey, I'm back!...Where's Bulkhead?"

"Well... I taught him about how we digest food and he didn't take it too well."

"The last part?"

"Yup."

"Oh, I don't blame him, it is pretty weird. It happens to me and I think it's gross! Hey, Optimus! Wanna learn how we digest our food?"

"Miko!"

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A/N: I hope you liked this chapter! The next one is going to be taking a break from human biology and will be exploring human culture! The subject: Games! Yes, the next chapter will be about the 'bots learning/playing human games. So if you have a game you want to see them learn, leave it in a review! I need some suggestions cause I only have a few game ideas so far.

Please leave a review and tell me what you thought of this chapter and leave any suggestions for future chapters.


	3. Games

(Newly edited: 05/02/15. Because I hated some parts of it.)

A/N: Sorry about the long wait. I have been diligently working on this story, it just took foreeeeeeever!

I cannot believe all the positive response I am getting from this story! You guys are all so awesome! I got a lot of game ideas from the reviews, and unfortunately I was not able to put them all in because I never heard of some of them. I did research the ones I had never heard of and used the ones that inspired me. Sorry if I didn't use all of your ideas!

13k?! How did this get so long?! I can honestly say that this is the longest chapter I have ever written. But it was fun to write!

Rachet's Sparkling: I used your apples to apples suggestion, and someone's logic circuits are about to be scrambled!

Lady Nightsong: Great suggestions! Truth or dare was already in the back of my mind, but thanks for reminding me! And the rest of your suggestions just made me think 'that would be so adorable if they played it!'

Kaleia: Thanks for your suggestion! I really don't know anything about Solus Prime, other than the whole hammer thing from the show. :/

Giddy: Jenga sounds cool! Better keep the humans away though, cause when that thing falls down. Boom! I can imagine Ratchet getting all flustered over 'Operation' cause he keeps buzzing it. XD

AspenDragonLord: I haven't played 'Trouble' in years, so I don't really know anything about it other than the cool bubble with the dice in it. So I did a different take on that story. I hope you like it!

Eyrmia: I am a huge fan of creepy stuff, so as soon as I researched Slenderman I had to use it! I've never played a zombie game before, but I wanted to see the 'bots reaction! And Flappy bird? Oh boy. Things are about to get very interesting.

Starblazer: Spagooder to you too.

Cashagon: How could I have forgotten Football? Which is probably the most popular game in the US. (You did mean the American version of Football, right? Not the British version? Cause they are completely different.)

I decided to put Smokescreen in from now on cause some of these games require equal teams, and with Smokescreen added it makes things a whole lot easier. And Wheeljack will pop in every now and then, when the story calls for it.

Disclaimer: You know the drill.

[Bumblebee talk]

First is Twister, cause that's what gave me the idea.

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Twister

It was a Saturday, so the kids got to spend all day with their alien friends. They were going to do so much cool stuff today!...As soon as they got back from their daily patrol. Fortunately, Miko knew that they would have had to entertain themselves for a while and brought a game for them to play. Twister.

"Hey guys! Who's ready for a little competition?" Miko announced, whipping the game out from behind her and presenting it to her fellow humans.

"Twister? I remember playing that once, it's fun!" Said Jack.

"I've heard of it, but I've never played it." said Raf, looking at the brightly colored box in Miko's hands.

"That's okay Raf, you can be the spinner for the first round and Jack and I will show you how it's done." Miko told him as she opened the box and started setting up the game.

After laying out the mat and showing Raf how to use the spinner they started to play the limb twisting activity.

The game was in full swing when their guardians returned. The four 'bots transformed and looked at the humans wondering what in the world they were doing.

Miko and Jack were in some unusual positions on a mat covered in brightly colored circles, and both of them seemed to be having a hard time keeping their balance, for the only part of them that was touching the floor were their hands and feet, even though it was clear that they could hold themselves up better if they used their knees and elbows. Raf was sitting next to the mat and was holding a cardboard square with a spinner on it, and as they watched he spun it and called out "Right foot red!" Which caused Miko and Jack to shift their stances into even more difficult positions.

But as they were watching it seemed that Jack had stretched himself too far (both figuratively and literally) and he collapsed on the mat.

Smokescreen was the one to ask the question that was on everyone's mind. "Hey, what are you guys doing?" Miko stood up and replied "We're playing 'Twister'! And I just whooped you good, Jackson." "So, what's the point of this game?" he inquired furthur. "Mostly fun!" She replied. "And it's good practice for balance, strength, and flexibility."

Arcee stepped forward, intrigued by the game. "So it's a training exercise?" "Yeah, in a way, I guess it is." "How does it work?" Miko explained the rules for all them. "Well, you have someone, Raf in this case, who uses the spinner. They spin it and call out whatever it points to, which is what hand or foot you put on what color. Then everyone on the mat has to do what the spinner says. It makes it even harder if each circle can only have on person's hand or foot on it at one time. No sharing!" Smokescreen was sold. He had to try this game! "Sounds like fun! Any way we could try it?" Jack looked at the mat, then at the 'bots. "I don't think you guys would fit on here." "Hold on Jack, I know how they could play." Raf interjected.

A little while later...

Raf's idea had worked. They had taken colored chalk and drawn huge colored circles on the floor. Good thing Ratchet wasn't here right now, he would have had a fit. He and Optimus were out scouting a small energon deposit at the moment.

The three humans were up on the platform leaning against the railing so that they wouldn't get accidentally squished by large metal feet. Jack held the spinner this time, and the 'bots were standing around the large circles, ready and waiting to start the 'training exercise'.

Jack spun the spinner and called out the result. "Right foot, green!" The 'bots complied, waiting for it to get interesting. "Left hand, blue!" Okay, now they were getting somewhere. "Left foot, red!" Okay, a bit of a stretch, but not too bad. "Right hand, red!" Now this was a little awkward.

Colors were called, limbs were stretched and twisted into positions they didn't even know were possible. Their hands and feet were getting covered in chalk as well, they were quite a sight.

Everyone was pretty much having to move around Bulkhead since he was taking up about half the floor.

Arcee was never more thankful for being so flexible, otherwise she would have lost long ago.

'Bee and Smokescreen were having just as hard a time as everyone else, and unfortunately Smokescreen's leg decided to betray him in his time of need, and it slipped.

Miko made a buzzer sound as he collapsed. "You're out!" The newbie got up and left the playing area, sitting nearby and spending the rest of the game cheering for his friends.

The game continued, and it was almost easier with one person out, since there was now more room.

But then, one particular combination was too much for Bulkhead. And he too fell.

It was down to the soldier and the scout. Who would win? They twisted into all kinds of shapes, neither willing to quit, and with all this room it wasn't that hard for them to maintain their positions.

After what felt like forever, and having done pretty much every combination possible, Miko decided to spice it up a bit.

Jack had just called 'Right hand, red' and Miko, sick of the lack of activity, put in a little something extra. "Since this is clearly not going anywhere. You got your right hand on red? While you're at it, put your face on it."

"What?" Jack looked at her in shock. He was pretty sure that was not in the rules.

But Bumblebee and Arcee were getting tired as well, so they lowered their helms to the red circle.

Bumblebee quickly leaned down and planted his face on the same circle his hand was on, but Arcee's left hand was already stretched as far as it could go, and it slipped when she tried to make her helm go in the opposite direction. Bumblebee wins!

The yellow 'bot jumped for joy at his victory, ignoring the red chalk that now covered his face.

"What is going on in here?!"

They turned to see Ratchet and Optimus walking towards them from the entrance. Ratchet didn't look too pleased at having chalk all over his floor. For as you know, chalk tends to get everywhere, and everywhere it was.

"Um, hi Ratchet, Optimus." Bulkhead grinned sheepishly. "We were just doing a training exercise."

Ratchet's face showed that he was having a hard time believing that. Guess it was time to get out the mops.

A/N: The 'sticking your face on a circle' came from an experience at summer camp. They were playing messy games, one of which was 'condiments twister' (I didn't participate), and yes, you guessed it, the circles were plates of ketchup, mustard, relish, and mayonnaise. It was down to two girls, one of which was a friend of my sister. The game was getting nowhere fast, so the announcer told them to put their faces in the plate of ketchup along with their hand. The other girl couldn't do it, but my sister's friend won!

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Slender Man

(A/N: I couldn't find too much about Slender Man, so if the story is inaccurate. And yes, I know, as a ghost story it sucks! This is hardly a game at all. But one of the definitions of 'game' was 'an amusement or pastime', so I guess this is kind of a game? :/ )

Sleepover! That was exactly what Miko said when the power went out all over town and they were allowed to stay over with the 'bots 'till it came back on.

The base had an emergency power supply that they were able to use for now. But that didn't stop Miko from wanting to tell the 'bots scary ghost stories.

At first they didn't want to do it. They were convinced that human ghost stories couldn't possibly be that scary. But with the power out and no missions or patrols to do they were stuck.

So with nothing else to do, they gathered and sat on the floor in a semi-circle around little miss ghost story teller.

"I am now going to tell you the story about how a child was captured by none other than...The Slender Man!"

"Who?" Smokescreen had to ruin the effect.

"Slender Man. He's this creepy dude with...no, ya know what? I'll just let you figure it out as I tell it.

"It was a dark and stormy night, as little Alice was walking home through the woods from visiting a friend's house. She had walked this way many times before, so it was not unfamiliar to her, but she seldom walked it in the rain, for the dark and the storm made even the most familiar place seem alien.

"As she was walking she noticed something out of the corner of her eye. She turned her head to see what it was that had gotten her attention. Though she could not see it very well due to the rain and the distance between them, the figure gave her a horrible feeling none the less. All she could see was a tall thin looking man wearing dark clothing. He had a pale head, so pale that she couldn't distinguish his features at all.

"All of this was seen in the split second she looked at him, for as soon as she saw him she looked away as quickly as she could and started a brisk walk for home.

Her friends had told her of a character that was described as tall and thin, with a pale head and wearing a dark suit. But those were just stories, stories of how he would take children away, sometimes by force, sometimes they would go willingly for unknown reasons. Was that who she had just seen? Nah! It was probably some collage student who was going around playing pranks on people.

"Even if it was just a student she didn't want to be alone with some crazy dude any longer than needed. He would probably just keep wandering through the woods trying to find another person to prank. He wouldn't follow her...would he? Unfortunately her paranoia wouldn't leave her be, she was convinced that he was following her, even though every time she looked back there was nothing to see.

As she walked she noticed that the woods seemed to go on for a lot longer than she remembered. She dared one last glance behind her, and to her shock she thought she saw the same tall thin and dark figure in the distance! Why was he following her?! But he hadn't been moving when she glanced at him. Even thought she was walking and he had just been standing there, it was as if he had always been there and she was just passing him.

"She didn't hesitate for a second and started running. She didn't care who this was, they were following her and she wasn't about to stay and find out what they wanted! She ran for what felt like forever, her breathing became ragged after awhile and she was having a hard time keeping up this pace. Where was the edge of the woods?!

"But there! At last! She saw her home! She ran out of the woods without slowing down in the least, sped through the front door, slammed it and locked it behind her, and ran upstairs to her room.

She didn't feel safe until her bedroom door was locked and she was hiding under the covers of her bed. She panted and gasped and after a minute tried to calm down her breathing. She tried telling herself that it was just the rain playing tricks on her eyes and that she was getting all worked up over nothing. But then she heard the front door open. Hadn't she locked it? And her parents weren't supposed to be home for hours. And she hadn't heard them drive up, or heard the door being unlocked. So, who was this?

"She held her breath as she waited, hoping to hear the voice of one of her parents, but instead she heard slow footsteps ascending the stairs. She dared to come out from under the blankets to see who it was. She walked over to her door, and for some reason she had the urge to open it and see who it was that had come into their house. She unlocked the door and jerked it open!...But there was nobody there? 'He's behind me now, isn't he?' she thought. Not wanting to be taken by surprise she spun around and found...nothing. Maybe she really was going crazy. She turned around to close the door, but there in the door way was the Slender Man! She screamed and jumped back falling to the floor.

"He was unnaturally tall and was wearing a dark suit. His head had no features whatsoever, and was so pale it was almost white. From behind him sprang shadows of dark tentacles even though she couldn't see what was casting them. The shadows reached for her as she screamed with all her might, clinging onto the hope that someone would hear her and save her! But no one did. And when her parents returned that evening, they found their daughter was missing. And no one ever saw her again."

Then the lights went out.

Several screams were heard, but I'm still not sure who screamed.

When the lights came back on Miko was laughing uncontrollably. "That was rich! I'm so glad I got Raf to mess with the lights, your faces are priceless!"

Ratchet scoffed "Puh-lease, it wasn't a scary story."

"Then why are you still hugging Arcee?"

He quickly released her. "I did not, she grabbed me!"

"Whatever you say, scaredy-'bot." She giggled.

* * *

Flappy Bird

Jack was sitting in his garage waiting for Arcee to pick him up. His mom didn't want any more ground bridges in their garage in case the neighbors saw something, so he was passing the time by playing games on his phone. Flappy bird is what he was playing at the moment, and he had been getting much better at it lately. He still stunk, but at least he was able to make it passed the first few pipes without hitting anything, but after about seven or eight he couldn't keep it up anymore.

He was about to make it past pipe number ten when Arcee turned into the driveway and drove into the garage. This slight distraction cause Jack to lose both his concentration and the game. "Aw man! I almost beat my personal best too." He grumbled.

Arcee let her holoform disappear and asked "What's wrong Jack?"

Jack walked over and closed the garage door so she could transform without the risk of being seen. "It's just this game I've been trying to beat, it's really hard." Arcee transformed as best she could in the confined space and bent down to Jack's level. "What kind of game? Anything I could do to help?" "Well, it's a game called 'Flappy bird'. You tap the screen to make the bird go up and down and try to maneuver it through the gaps in these pipes. It's nearly impossible." "Doesn't sound too hard. Mind if I give it a go?" "Sure, just be careful. I don't wanna have to buy a new phone cause this one was skewered by a giant robot finger."

He brought up the game on his phone and showed Arcee how to play. She was very careful not to tap the screen too hard.

Jack sat back and watched while she attempted to go through the first gap. He could see the frustration on her face already. "What!? I just got started and it already says game over!?" She quickly started another game, determined to beat it. And just like the last time she didn't make it past the first set of pipes. Another game was started.

Her frustration grew as she tried again and again. Jack noticed this and was worried for the well-being of his phone. "Hey Arcee, be careful or it might-"

Crack!

"...break."

"Oops. Sorry Jack."

Fortunately she hadn't ruined his phone, she just cracked the screen.

"You were right. That game is impossible."

"I tried to tell you. Oh well. Now I've got an interesting story for when people ask how my phone screen got cracked. I'll just say 'a giant alien robot cracked it while playing 'flappy bird'. Nobody will believe me, but it's still a good story."

* * *

Capture the flag

It was a Wednesday afternoon, and the children were due back from school any second. Ratchet had called Arcee and they said that they would be there soon.

Just as predicted, two cars and a motorcycle drove in, and released their passengers before transforming. Miko and Bulkhead were in an animated conversation over something. "And then I tackled him to the ground and brought him to jail. It was awesome!" Miko was excitedly telling Bulkhead.

"You put someone in jail? Isn't that a job for the police?" Ratchet said, having been unable to keep from hearing their conversation.

"No, I'm talking about a game of 'Capture the flag' over at school today."

"Capture the flag? What's that?"

"It's a game where there are two teams, each team has a flag they're protecting, and at the same time they have to try and steal the other team's flag and bring it to their side. But if you're caught by the other team, you have to stay in their jail until you escape, or someone rescues you. First team to steal the other team's flag wins."

"Sounds like a training mission to me. Is this to improve stealth for children?"

"Nah, it's just a fun game."

Optimus, having heard the explanation, decided that this would be a good training exercise for his team. "This appears to be a good opportunity to increase our training resources. Miko, would teach this game to the rest of our team? I feel it would be an excellent exercise in stealth for our crew. And the skills we would derive from it could be of great use when battling the Decepticons."

"Woah, you guys wanna learn 'capture the flag'? That's awesome!"

The rest of team Prime was called together so that they could learn the new 'training exercise' that Optimus had for them.

Miko explained the rules to them like she had with Ratchet, and they agreed that it seemed like a good idea. Smokescreen and Bumblebee were especially thrilled that this particular exercise was also considered a game for humans, that meant it would be fun!

They ground-bridged to a secluded forest and chose their teams and territories.

The territories were divided by a river, and each side had a place where they kept their flag, and another that was designated as the 'jail'.

Optimus and Arcee were chosen as team captains. Optimus chose Bulkhead and Smokescreen (Who was ecstatic that he was on the same team as the Prime). And Arcee chose Ratchet and Bumblebee.

They used tarps for flags since they couldn't find any blanket that was big enough. And tarps were a lot tougher than blankets, and less prone to get ripped by giant metal hands.

Now, Jack, Raf, and Miko were not about to miss seeing giant robots playing capture the flag, but they couldn't stay on the ground and risk becoming a flesh pancake. So they opted to stay in an old hunting blind that was near the divider, so they could see almost any attempt the enemy might try to make to capture their opponent's flag.

The two leaders met at the creek and agreed to retreat to their side for approximately five minutes before they started.

The two teams went to their respective sides and waited to see who would make the first move. Five agonizingly slow minutes later the humans were keeping a sharp eye out for the first move.

Now, both teams were at an equal advantage because of their team members. Arcee was extremely speedy and stealthy, as was 'Bee. Ratchet may not be as young as they were but he had experience in this sort of thing.

Optimus wasn't Prime for nothing, he was an expert in battle tactics, and was pretty fast because of his height. Smokescreen may be a rookie, but he trained with the elite guard and knew a thing or two that could turn the game in their favor. Bulkhead was the perfect distraction. While he made a fake attempt at retrieving the flag, someone else could slip around and capture it while the 'enemy' was trying to apprehend him.

Bumblebee was the first one to cross the border, and he was determined to get that flag. He sneaked through the forest, ducking behind trees, optics looking all around for any sign of the enemy. Strange, he didn't see anyone.

Then he heard a footstep behind him. Spoke (or thought) too soon. He turned and saw the one and only green mech on the team running towards him. He started running, not even realizing that he was being herded back to his own side.

When he reached the river he realized what the wrecker had been doing, and kept running even after he had passed the border. Bulkhead stopped at the river and after making sure 'Bee wasn't going to come back, walked back to his post at the flag.

Meanwhile Optimus was trying to get the other team's flag himself. Unlike Bumblebee he saw the enemy before they saw him and he had time to duck behind a large tree. He peeked out and saw Arcee scouting the area, but not facing him. He tiptoed as quietly as he could to the side, hoping that he could get the flag, he could see a little ways in the distance.

Then he stepped on a branch with a snap. Curse these huge feet! Arcee's helm whipped around and saw him. Only thing left to do was run! He ran toward the flag as fast as he could, but Arcee transformed and raced at him. Unlike her he couldn't transform due to all the trees that he could run into. She had to problem with it though, and was coming upon him fast. He was almost in reach of the flag when the femme transformed and tagged him on the shoulder.

That was it. He had been tagged. He was now her prisoner and had to face the wrath of the warden, Ratchet.

"You've been getting a little lazy Optimus." Arcee poked at him. He smiled and returned "Then perhaps we should do this more often so as not to weaken in any area of our training."

They walked towards the jail in silence since they didn't have far to go. And pretty soon they arrived at the 'jail' where Ratchet was waiting. "Optimus? I would have expected Bulkhead or even Smokescreen to get captured first, not you!" "Arcee is an excellent soldier, and it appears as though I need to practice my infiltration skills." "You most certainly do! This is just embarrassing."

They were interrupted by a whoop of joy from what sounded like Smokescreen in the distance. "What's that?" Arcee asked. Her question was answered when Bumblebee sped towards them and transformed. [Smokescreen got the flag!] he beeped. "What?" Ratchet looked at him shock. This was confirmed when they saw Smokescreen running toward them, yelling all the way, with their flag held over his head. He started running circles around the group chanting "We won! We won! We won!" "Alright, you won." Ratchet grumbled. "Looks like we're going to have to keep a sharp optic on this one."

* * *

Jenga

Bullkhead, Wheeljack, and Miko were out spending some 'quality time together' aka smashing stuff, cause that's what wreckers do.

They were near a construction site for a new building, and were seeing how far they could lob some nearby boulders into a field. But they eventually ran out of boulders and being unable to remember who threw what boulder they decided to try something else.

Wheeljack sat next to Miko and looked down at the small human. Bulkhead had been telling him that she was the source of a lot of new games they were learning. Maybe she would know one that they could play right now. "So, kid, I hear you been teaching the team some human games. Got any that we would be interested in?"

Miko thought for a minute, trying to think what kind of game they could play that the bot's would be able to play as well. She thought, and thought, and thought, and then looked over and saw a stack of giant metal beams that were going to be used on the incomplete building.

They wouldn't mind if they borrowed them for a little bit, would they?

"I got one that I think you would like. It's called 'Jenga'. You see, you build a tower with sticks of wood, or in your case those beams over there, and you build a tower with them. And then you take turns taking out one piece at a time, but you have to keep the tower from falling over. Whoever makes the tower fall, loses."

Wheeljack looked at her. A game where you had to be careful when knocking down a tower? Where was the fun in that? He would rather build a tower and then smash it! But then again, she did know more about this game than he did. Maybe it really was fun after all.

"Sure, kid. Let's get this thing built."

Miko instructed them on how to build the tower while they stacked the metal beams one on top of the other. And a little later they had a 30ft tall tower of precariously placed beams, just itching to be knocked over.

Bulkhead was nominated to go first, and with shaky servos he pulled one of the beams out from the middle. When nothing happened he relaxed. "Hey, it's not nearly as hard as it looks." He told them.

When it was his turn Wheeljack pulled one from the middle as well, but a little lower down than Bulkhead had.

They continued to pull beams out from various spots, and you could tell it was getting harder and harder as they went along. Each time another was pulled out they waited for it to fall. And each time they were sorely disappointed.

By now they were pretty sure this tower was not even governed by the laws of physics. There was no way it was still staying up! It had about two beams on each level, and several were being held up by only one! How is this possible?!

But, as you all know, it had to fall eventually, and fall it did. That last beam that had been removed was apparently the only thing that had been holding it all together.

It went down with a crash, and Bulkhead, the one who had delivered the final blow, was left standing with the last pulled beam in his hand.

"Woo! Wheeljack wins!" Miko whooped and jumped up. "Wanna play again? I bet Bulk can beat you next time."

But they couldn't play another game, for at that moment they were called to assist Optimus and Arcee battle some Decepticons.

Later...

The four 'bots drove through the ground bridge from their bout with the 'cons. As soon as they transformed they heard "Prime!" and saw Agent Fowler marching toward the railing. And he didn't look like he had come over to eat tea and cakes with them.

"Care to explain why a construction company found the beams they had left, lying all over the place, with giant hand prints in them!"

"Whoops." Bulkhead looked guiltily at Fowler. Might as well fess up.

* * *

Zombie games

(A/N: I know, this part is really short and not that interesting. I've never played a zombie game, I'm not really into zombies, and if you think about it the 'bots wouldn't be bothered by human blood and gore any more than we are by them getting hurt. So I just made this a stupid short story.)

Ratchet walked into the base after bringing Mrs. Darby home from work. Her car was currently in the shop and he 'volunteered' aka was ordered by Optimus to help her out 'till her car was fixed.

As he entered he noticed that Miko wasn't there. She must have had detention again. Instead he saw Jack and Raf sitting on the couch absorbed in a video game of some kind. It must have been some game because they both had their wide eyes glued (not literally of course) to the screen.

All of a sudden Jack jerked back and yelled, dropping his controller in his fit of fear.

Ratchet quickly walked over to see what on earth this game was if it was able to scare Jack so easily.

He looked at the screen and saw, what looked like a bunch of severely wounded, half crazed, and extremely sleep deprived looking humans walking toward the screen. Most of them had pieces of themselves taken out and almost all of them were leaking in more than one place. Raf was using some kind of gun on the game and was shooting them right and left, cause them to spurt some blood and fall over.

"Why are you playing this?"

Jack, having recovered, answered him with: "Cause it's fun. And really scary at the same time...somehow"

Raf added "It's pretty gross, but sometimes you're so into beating it that you don't notice the blood."

Ratchet didn't see what was so disgusting about it. It was just a bunch of humans leaking all over the place.

He scoffed and walked away. This wasn't worth his time. Let them play their 'scary' game, he wasn't interested.

* * *

Chubby bunny

This little adventure began with a camping trip. No, the 'bots didn't go camping, Jack did. And he brought back a little treat. And being the kind boy that he was (and having a mother who believes he should share) he brought leftover marshmallows to share with his fellow humans.

Now, these weren't the little marshmallows that you put in your hot chocolate in the winter, no, these were the giant ones that you roast over a fire until they're nice and black, and then you eat them straight off the stick while they're still hot.

But Miko, being the girl she was, wasn't about to just eat the marshmallows, instead she wanted to do a game with them. One that she didn't get to play too often due to lack of marshmallows. (Cause those are the best things to play this game with.) So she jumped at the chance to play it with Jack.

And this is how Smokescreen and Bulkhead found them. Mouths full of a white puffy substance, trying to stuff more in their mouths. And after they had found a magic pocket of space somewhere in that overstuffed crevice, they said 'ubby buh-ee', which was later translated to 'chubby bunny'. Then they proceeded to try and stuff even more into their mouths!

Now, the 'bots didn't know of this game at the time and thought the children were suffering from some sort of mental illness that caused them to stuff things into their mouths.

So Bulkhead, worried about his charge, immediately ran over to her and with the tips of his forefinger and thumb very carefully pulled the mess out of her mouth, despite her protests, saving her from the dreaded illness.

"Bulkhead! What did you do that for! I was winning!" Miko shouted at him.

Jack, seeing that he was the victor, spit the white fluff into a bag he had nearby.

"Not that I'm complaining, but why did you do that?"

Bulkhead was glad to see they were back to normal, but couldn't understand why they were protesting at his saving her. "Well, she was putting that stuff into her mouth, that can't be healthy for any species."

"We were playing a game, Bulk. It's called 'Chubby Bunny', and in it you're supposed to stuff as many marshmallows, or something else that's soft, into you're mouth, and then say 'chubby bunny'. The first person who can't stuff any more in, loses. And I was winning 'till you ruined it!"

Humans have the strangest games. Where do they even come up with these things?

Smokescreen had seen the whole thing, and thought it looked like fun. "Hey, can I try it?"

"Smokescreen?" Bulkhead looked at him in disbelief. How could he want to play such a strange and dangerous game?

"Aw, c'mon Bulkhead. It'll be fun! It can't be that hard. I bet I could stuff a million of those things in my mouth!"

Miko wasn't about to lose to a giant robot, so she introduced a better substance that they could use. "How about you guys use something else, cause A: These marshmallows could get stuck and gum up your systems, and B: We would have no chance of beating you cause of the size difference in our mouths. How about you guys use something like...um"

"Oil drums? There are tons of 'em in the back." Jack suggested. "They wouldn't hurt them, and since they're empty you could crush them before putting them in your mouths."

They all decided that would be best. And a few minutes later they were sitting on the floor of the base, barrels next to the 'bots and humans off to the side ready to play.

"I just have one question before we start. Why is it called 'Chubby Bunny'?" Smokescreen asked.

"I think it's cause you look like a little chubby bunny when your mouth is full of marshmallows, or in this case, barrels." Jack answered.

"I don't know how you talked me into this." Bulkhead looked at his stack of barrels, hoping no one would be back anytime soon and find him in this predicament.

Miko sat off to the side with Jack with a bag of marshmallows between them. "On your mark, get set, GO!"

Each titan picked up a barrel and crushed it before inserting it into their oral cavities, followed by a slightly muffled 'chubby bunny', much to the wrecker's displeasure and embarrassment. Smokescreen however had a cheesy grin on his face since he was finally getting to play the human game. And it looked even dumber with a barrel stuffed in his mouth.

The humans followed in a similar suit, only with marshmallows.

This went on for while, each stuffing another barrel/marshmallow, followed by an even more muffled 'chubby bunny' than the previous one. Then repeating the whole process.

Smokescreen really wished he hadn't competed against Bulkhead. That guy had a huge mouth! And while Smokescreen was trying as hard as he could to find another space in his mouth for another barrel, Bulkhead had room to spare. His statements of 'chubby bunny' were much less muffled than Smokescreen's were. The humans were having a hard time as well. And unfortunately, had to bow out before the other two started to give.

Down to the two 'bots, it was quickly winding down, for Smokescreen's mouth was pretty much as full as it could get.

And that is why, in the end, when Smokescreen couldn't fit another thing in his mouth, he regretfully yielded. Bulkhead stood with his fists in the air and with a mouth full of crushed metal, he let out a muffled cry of triumph.

Too bad Ratchet came out of the back at that very moment and saw both of them looking like they had just raided the forbidden energon cookie jar, sitting there with their mouths full of an undefinable metal substance, staring at him in surprise.

Ratchet stared. Blinked. Opened his mouth. Closed his mouth. Then turned around and left without another word.

* * *

Hide and Seek

Optimus was left all alone with the humans at base. Why? Because a certain whiny seeker was in need of medical assistance and had decided to take up Ratchet and Bulkheads valuable time with his petty injuries in exchange for 'valuable information'.

As for the other three, they were out on patrol. Again. Good gravy! How many 'bots does it take to go out on patrol?! They always seemed to be 'out on patrol'!...Alright, there had been a lot more Decepticon sightings lately so Optimus decided to up the security.

But anyway, there he was, left alone with the three little humans with nothing to do. Good thing the humans had so many games to choose from.

"What do you guys want to play?" Jack asked from his place on the couch.

"I dunno, something simple, something that doesn't need a whole lot of stuff to play. I don't feel like having to drag out a whole bunch of stuff just to play a game." Miko replied from the other end of the couch.

"How about hide and seek?" Jack suggested.

Miko sat up. "Seriously? That's the oldest game in the book!"

"What? You said you wanted something simple. That's as simple as they come!"

Miko looked like she was about to argue, but then she remembered who their caretaker was and changed her mind. "Okay."

"You asked for a sim- wait, what? You wanna play?"

"Sure, and Optimus can be 'it'."

"I can be 'it' in what?" Optimus had heard the last couple of sentences and walked over to hear what they needed him for.

"You can be the seeker in hide and seek!" Miko told him.

But he wasn't a seek- oh, that kind of seeker. Like in that game the young 'bots would play on Cybertron. How could he say no to playing that with them.

"Alright."

"You'll play with us?"

"Yes, I shall."

"Aw, sweet! Okay, count to a hundred and then come and find us!" She said as she ran down the steps and into the back. Raf and Jack looked at each other and then quickly followed.

Optimus turned to the clock on the wall and began counting. Good thing the clock was there, it made counting in human seconds a whole lot easier.

Finally, the hundred seconds were up and he was free to search for them.

He was pretty sure using scanners was cheating, so he would have to do this the old fashioned way. By looking.

He walked up and down the hallways slowly, looking in any spot a human could fit into, listening for any noises that could be them. This certainly brought back memories. How he did miss searching for the young 'bots back home. How they would giggle and run when he had discovered their hiding spot. How they would squeal in delight when they were caught. Those 'bots who were now grown and either fighting or dead. The same 'bots who died for their home. They were so- no! He mustn't think sad thoughts when he was supposed to be looking for the humans.

Speaking of which, was that a boot sticking out from behind those crates? He knew she could hear him, but he stepped as quietly as he could regardless. He was right on top of her now, and he picked up the crate and saw...

A boot.

Just a boot. Miko's boot.

Oh, she was clever. Taking off her boot and using it as a decoy.

Then that must mean she was somewhere near here.

Later...

Ratchet and Bulkhead returned from getting 'vital information' from Starscream. Ratchet looked around for Optimus, expecting him to be at the console like he should. But he was nowhere to be seen.

"Optimus?" He called out. And was rewarded with the Prime walking out from the back. "Yes, Ratchet?"

"Optimus, where are the children?" For the absence of the humans had not gone missed by him.

"I am searching for them as we speak."

"You lost them?! How could you possibly have lost three humans in a base this size?! Hurry! We've got to find them!"

"No, old friend, their absence is part of a game they call 'hide and seek', and I have been nominated 'the seeker'."

"Oh, well, just be careful. And make sure to watch where you step everyone."

"Yes! Home base!"

The three Autobots turned and saw Miko jumping on the couch.

"Home base?" Ratchet asked.

"Yeah, I made it to home base! That means I'm safe! Oh, and Doc Bot, I heard your little panic attack."

"Wh-what?"

"I knew you cared about us! Aw! Ratchet really does love humans!"

"I wasn't worried about you for myself, I just...knew your parents would be worried and would blame me if you got lost."

"Sure, whatever you say Ratchet."

* * *

Card games

(A/N: I chose poker for the card game cause it was easier to make a story for. I love flustered robots!)

It was a particularly hot day in Jasper Nevada, and the kids were not up to going outside at this time. So while the 'bots were doing training exercises and sparring sessions with each other, the kids were busy exchanging pieces of paper and rocks.

Bumblebee had noticed this and was curious about what they were doing. He walked over to where they were sitting and looked at the papers that Raf was looking at. Each paper had a number in the corner and had various symbols in the middle, varying in colors and numbers. As for the rocks, each of them had a small pile of rocks next to them and would take turns putting small amounts in a pile of rocks in the center of their circle.

[What are you playing, Raf?] he beeped.

"Oh, hey 'Bee." Raf replied with out looking up. "We're just playing a game of poker"

[Is it fun?]

"More competitive than anything else. But yeah, it's fun."

[Anything I can do to help?]

"Um, I don't know. Maybe you could play when this round is over."

[Well, Jack has a 5, a 2, a picture that says 'K', and two with a 10 on them. Does that help?]

"'Bee! You're not supposed to tell me what their cards are! It's supposed to be a secret."

"Hey!" Jack looked up when he realized what Bumblebee had said.

Miko looked at Jack in disbelief. "You were staying in, and you only had a pair? And I thought my hand was bad."

Jack threw his cards down. "Well that's it, I'm out."

[Sorry Raf, I didn't mean to ruin your game.] Bumblebee apologized.

"That's okay 'Bee, you didn't know the rules. Here, I'll teach them to you, and we can play together in the next round. Okay?"

[Okay!]

They reshuffled the cards and Raf explained the rules to the scout.

"So, here's how it works. Each of us gets five cards to start with, then we each get a chance to exchange some or all of our cards for the ones in the deck. After that, you have to use the cards in your hand, no more trading. Then we place bets with chips, or in this case, rocks, based on how good your hand is. If your hand is no good, or you think there's no way you can win, then you fold, and you don't have to place any bets. Then we go around and keep adding rocks and raising the bets for a certain number of rounds, then everyone displays their cards and the person who has the highest hand gets all the rocks. When you run out of rocks, then you're out, last person standing wins. Got it?"

[I think so. But, how do you know what hand is higher?]

At this, Raf grabbed some cards and showed him the different hands as he explained them.

"From the lowest value to the highest, the order is: High card, pair, two pair, three of a kind, straight, flush, full house, four of a kind, and straight flush. There are other ways to play the game and other hands that can be played, but this is the one we like to play with."

[I didn't really catch which one beat which.]

"That's okay, I'll help you while we play."

Miko was tired of waiting. "Less talk, more poker! C'mon guys, let's get this thing started!"

"What you guys doing?" Smokescreen walked in.

[Raf was teaching me this cool game! Can they play with us, Raf?]

"Well, sure, you can have as many people as you want. As long as there are enough cards. Speaking of which, if you are going to play then we're going to need some bigger cards."

Smokescreen quickly ran to the back and they heard him yell "Hey guys! Raf's got this cool game for us to play!"

"Not now Smokescreen! We're busy training!" Arcee yelled back.

"But this will just take a minute! C'mon, you've been training for hours! One little break won't hurt!"

"No!"

"Pleeeeaaase!"

"Are you gonna keep whining until we come in there?" Bulkhead yelled at him from the back.

"Yes!" He confirmed.

They heard a muffled "Arcee, let's just go and play the game. How bad could it be?"

"Argh! Fine."

"Aw, yes!" Smokescreen punched the air in his victory.

"Oh for Pete's sake!" Miko exasperatedly flopped on the couch. All she could do now was wait for the rules to be explained, yet again.

Bulkhead and Arcee walked in, and shortly after Smokescreen ran into the back to convince Optimus and Ratchet to play too. He was gone for a while, and they were seriously starting to think that he was bribing them. But after a while they emerged, ready to play whatever it was Smokescreen had been yelling about. Raf explained the rules while Jack was making Autobot sized cards with Miko, who would rather be doing this than listening to Raf explain the rules again.

They had found some cardboard boxes in the back, and were cutting them out with the help of Arcee's blades. Then they painted the numbers, colors, and suits on each. This took a considerable amount of time, but they remembered that they could use the cards for games other than poker, so they would be able to be used on more than one occasion.

After a long explanation and a lot of painting, they were ready to play. The humans walked around the ring of 'bots sitting on the floor to help them should they forget the rules.

They were using barrels for poker chips this time, because of the size difference. Smokescreen started off the betting with two barrels, Bulkhead complied, as did Ratchet. Arcee raised it another barrel, which was followed by Optimus. Bumblebee added another two barrels, which caused Smokescreen to fold.

With one 'bot out and having hardly started, they knew this was going to be a short game. Barrels were added, 'bots folded, and before you knew it it was down to Optimus, Bulkhead, and Ratchet.

It was time for them to show their cards. Bulkhead had three 7's, a 4, and a Queen. Ratchet had two queens, a 9, and two aces. Optimus had four kings and a 2.

Ratchet stared at their leader's cards. "What? How- I- You just-" And with a humph he got up and stomped into the back.

Arcee looked after him. "I never knew he was such a sore loser."

"Can we play again?" Inquired Bulkhead. "I like this game."

* * *

Trouble

(A/N: I really don't know anything about this game other than the bubble thing with the dice. So I made do. I love randomness waaaaay too much!)

As soon as Bulkhead had stopped driving Miko leaped out of him and ran for Jack, a box under her arm and an excited look on her face.

"Hey Jack! Come here, I got something for us to play!"

"My goodness Miko, what is it?" He made his way to the part of the floor where she was sitting and had started opening the box.

"It's a game I used to play all the time. 'Trouble'!"

"That's a game you play all the time."

"Ha ha, very funny. I'm talking the board game 'trouble'. C'mon, help me set it up!"

Bulkhead wandered over to where they were after he transformed. He sat on the ground with a 'thunk!' despite his attempts to land softly and watched to see what it was that had had her so excited the whole way here.

"Can I play too?"

"Sure, Bulk! Here's the board, and here are the pieces, and that in the middle is where the dice are."

"You mean that bubble thing?"

"Yeah, it's to prevent any kind of cheating when it comes to rolling the dice, you just press on the bubble to shuffle them. Now, the rules are-"

"Can I try it?"

"Uh, well, I don't know that..."

Crunch!

I guess he didn't use a gentle enough touch. Cause not only did he crush the bubble, but also most of the game board.

"Uh...Sorry Miko, I didn't mean to crush it."

Miko just threw the rules in the air and stomped away. "Well, there goes that game."

* * *

Operation

No one knows why she did it. Maybe it was her way of showing the good doctor that she really loved him. But for whatever reason, Miko had bought Ratchet a game of 'Operation'.

And very conveniently, all the 'bots were gone one morning, and the kids were at school, so Ratchet had the base to himself.

Now, a normal person in this kind of situation would probably have left the game to collect dust for all of eternity. But a giant alien robot would not. He was genuinely curious about the game. Miko said it was a game of surgery, and of course he had to try it. Not because it was related to medicine (well, maybe a little), but because he was wondering how they could make a game out of a serious procedure.

After carefully opening the game and managing to somehow get the batteries into the thing, he was ready to see what was so great about this game.

He didn't bother with the money or cards, he just wanted to try and get all the pieces out with out buzzing it.

Hi daintily picked up the small tweezers, and after checking around him to make sure no one was there, he reached for the bread basket.

Bzz!

Yow! He was not expecting that! For such a small game it sure was loud.

He tried again, determined to get it out.

Bzz!

This thing was impossible! There was no room to get the thing out! Maybe another piece would be easier.

Later...

Bulkhead and Bumblebee came back from their patrol and were met by a very strange sight after they transformed.

Ratchet was hunched over his worktable, muttering and grumbling about something. Suddenly, while they were watching he dropped whatever he had been holding and shouted

"What are you talking about?! I wasn't anywhere near the edge! I'll rip that charlie horse right out of you and make you eat it!"

Then he smashed whatever he had been so upset about and, without even noticing them, stomped into the back.

Bulkhead walked over to what Ratchet had been yelling about and saw the game.

"Maybe I should talk to Miko about teaching us games."

* * *

Truth or Dare

Raf wasn't at the base today, he had to stay at home and help his mom with some stuff. Now, this normally wouldn't have been a problem for Miko and Jack, but she had already beaten him ten times at pretty much every video game they had. So they were trying to think of something to do.

"What do you wanna play, Jack?"

"Something that's not a competition, cause if I don't win at something soon, I can't be responsible for what I do."

"Alright, something that's not a competition...not a competition..." then she got an evil glint in her eye and looked at Jack. "How about truth or dare?"

"What?! With you?! No thanks, I wanna live today."

"Aw, c'mon! I promise not to too harsh." She said sweetly. He didn't trust that look at all.

"Well...um...we can't! Because...there aren't enough people! You can't play truth or dare with just two people."

"Hmm. You're right."

"And I- what? I am?"

"Yeah, we need more victims."

"Oh no, don't do it."

"Hey Optimus! Ratchet! Bumblebee! Arcee!" (Who were the only ones at the base at the time.)

"Miko, no!"

Too late. The 'bots had heard her and were gathering around her as he spoke.

"What is it Miko?" Ratchet sounded like he was in no mood for her scrap.

"We're playing a game and need your help."

"Is it a destructive game?"

"Depends."

"Do you need props of some sort?"

"Depends."

"Am I going to regret this?"

"Probably."

"Well that's it for me, I'm not going to participate in whatever this is." And with that he returned to his station, where he had previously been working. He was still within hearing range of them, so he would know exactly what this game was that they were playing.

"That's okay, we still got plenty of players! So, are you all ready to play 'truth or dare'?"

The three giants just blinked at her. [What's truth or dare?] the scout beeped.

"A really awesome and really terrible game. It will either end in laughter or pure hatred. Most likely hatred."

"Why would we want to play a game that would make us hate each other?" Arcee asked, bending down to the girls level. "Aren't games supposed to be fun?"

"It is. How you play it is: The first person chooses someone and asks 'truth or dare', then that person chooses either truth or dare. If they choose truth, then they have to truthfully answer whatever question they are asked. If they choose dare then they have to do whatever they are dared to do."

"Isn't that kinda harsh." The femme looked at her in shock. This sounded like some kind of game the 'Cons would play. Forcing people to do what you want or answer whatever you asked them, what was this species coming to? Well, actually, back on Cybertron it wasn't too uncommon to see mechs daring each other to do dumb stuff, but this was the first time she had heard of an official game of daring.

Miko replied to her earlier asked question. "It depends on what level of intensity you all agree to do. You could play nice and not make anyone do anything too embarrassing, or you could kick it up a notch and ask the most embarrassing questions and dare the most humiliating dares you can think of!"

"On a scale of one to ten how about we do, say, a level four or five since it's their first time?" Jack asked, hoping she wouldn't object.

"Okay, but just for the first round." Miko was a little disappointed, she was hoping to get one of them to do something like screaming that they love Megatron with all their spark from the top of the base. Now that was a sight she would definitely pay to see. But dang it all, Jack was right. They would have to up the intensity later, after the 'bots had gotten the hang of it.

"I'll go first" Jack offered. "Miko, truth or dare?"

"Duh, dare! Anything you dare me to do will be way too easy since you're such a sissy."

"Alright then, you asked for it. I dare you not to play your guitar for the next week!"

"What?! Hey! No dares that have a delayed date! Pick something I can do now."

"Nope, too late, I've already dared ya. But from now on we will choose dares that you have to do right now, no more delayed dares. So no guitar for you for a week!"

They heard Ratchet say something that sounded like 'thank the Allspark', but no one could be sure.

"You may have gotten me this time Jack, but you forgot, the person who is dared gets to go next. So I choose...Arcee! Truth or dare?"

"After hearing the rules, I think I'll go with truth."

"Have you ever had a crush on a 'con?"

"A what?"

"Have you ever liked one of the Decepticons?"

"Not recently. But they used to be pretty good guys. So, yeah, at one time, I did like a lot of them, they were good mechs once."

"Which one did you like the most?"

Jack intervened. "Miko, you only get one question. Okay, Arcee, your turn."

"Um, Optimus? Truth or dare?"

"I would like to try a dare."

"Um...let me think...oh, I know." She motioned Optimus to lean in closer and whispered "Poke Ratchet."

He stood up and without any hesitation, walked over to where Ratchet was working and lightly poked him on the back of his head.

"Ow! What was-" He turned around. "Optimus? What did you do that for?" "My apologies, old friend, it was my dare." "Well for Primus' sake, keep me out of this from now on!" "Of course, Ratchet."

The prime walked back over to where his team was trying to stifle their laughter.

"That was gold!" Miko whispered to him. "Alright, your turn."

"Bumblebee, truth or dare?" Optimus asked the yellow and black muscle car.

[Truth.]

"Have you ever broken the humans laws of traffic while driving with Rafael?"

[Um...Maybe once or twice? Not very often. Uh, Miko! Truth or dare?]

"He asked me truth or dare right?" Miko asked.

Arcee confirmed it and Miko replied with "Dare! Give me all you got!"

[I dare you to lick Jack's foot!]

The message was relayed. "That's it? That is so mainstream, dude." Miko walked over to Jack. "Shoe on, or off?" She asked the scout.

[On.]

Miko didn't waste any time and quickly bent down, picked up Jack's foot ignoring his protests of disgust and licked the shoe before returning to her previous spot.

"That wasn't nearly as bad as some of the dares I've done."

More truths were asked, and more dares were dared. The truths included: Jack admitting that his mom still called him cute nicknames, but he refused to say what they were, and Optimus saying that yes, it is possible for Cybertronians to get what they called 'drunk', and yes, a long time ago he had gotten 'drunk' on at least one occasion when he was Orion Pax.

The dare's were even more interesting. Bumblebee was dared to beep the Super Mario 8-bit theme song, which wasn't really embarrassing, more like entertaining.

Jack was dared to sing in an operatic voice as loud as he could, but he was stopped on the first note when they discovered he was a terrible singer.

Miko was dared to scream as loud as she could by Arcee, who was curious as to how loud a human could yell. But that was quickly shot down by Ratchet, who didn't want to find out how quickly their audio receptors could get ruined. So she opted for Miko to give a demonstration of this popular human dance called the 'chicken dance'. That was a sight she would never forget.

But the last dare was a doozy. Oh, Optimus shouldn't have said dare. He was dared to stand on one hand while Arcee was sitting cross-legged on his foot. It was supposed to imitate the scene from 'Star Wars' when Yoda was training Luke on Dagoba.

No one thought he would actually do it. But he did. It was a very strange sight for Bulkhead and Smokescreen to walk in on. Maybe Ratchet would explain after he was done acting like he didn't know them.

* * *

Apples to Apples

Ah, Decepticons. They always strike just when you're about to play a good game. This one had been brought in by Raf, who's laptop had been left at home. He thought the 'bots might find this game amusing, maybe he could even get Ratchet to laugh. (Yeah, like that's gonna happen.)

But as I said before, the Decepticons had struck and most of the 'bots were out. The only ones left back at base were, of course, Ratchet, who never went out on mission unless he was really needed. And Smokescreen, he still needed some more training.

When Raf asked them if they wanted to play 'Apples to Apples' with him and the other two kids, Smokescreen said 'Yes!', because he was getting pretty bored and was willing to play almost anything.

Ratchet didn't want to at first, but when he heard there were no actual apples involved he had to find

out just what in the name of Primus this game was about. I mean, a game with the name 'apples' in it, but no apples in the actual game? Whaaaaaaat?

Raf passed out the cards to each player as he explained the rules.

"The rules are simple. The person who is 'it' puts a green card from the stack down, this card has a certain theme on it. Each person then chooses one of the red cards in their hand to put down, each of which has the name of an object, and event, or a person on it. They decide which one to put down depending on whether they want one that corresponds with the theme, or is the exact opposite. Then the person who is 'it' shuffles the cards, looks at them, chooses which one they like, and they pick who they think put down that card. If they're right then they get the green card, if they're wrong, the person who put down that card then gets the green one. First person to get five green cards wins."

"Wait, could you repeat that?" Smokescreen asked. He hadn't quite gotten it the first time.

"I'll explain as we go along. I'll be it first. And the theme is...Dangerous. Now just put down a card that has something on it that's dangerous, or is not at all dangerous."

Jack slapped a card down immediately. Miko took a bit longer, and was followed by Ratchet. Smokescreen put his down last after a careful examination.

Raf collected the face-down red cards and after shuffling them, read them out.

"Nuclear power plant. Batman. Rabbits. And a water slide."

He looked over the cards, trying to decide which to choose. "I choose Rabbits, and I think Jack did it."

Smokescreen carefully slid the card towards him. "Actually it was me. I didn't think I'd actually win, I was just kidding!"

"What?" Ratchet looked between the card, Smokescreen, and Raf. "But, as far as I know rabbits aren't dangerous at all! Why did you choose that one?"

"I had to choose either the card that was the most alike, or the one that was the opposite. That's how the game works, Ratchet."

Ratchet was quite baffled by this rule. "What-...but that-...I mean-...It just-...That makes no sense whatsoever! Who came up with this game?!"

"Well, a nuclear power plant is dangerous, so is Batman in a way, ("Who's Batman?" "That's a story for another time.") water slides could be seen as dangerous by some, but rabbits aren't really that dangerous at all. And that's why I chose it."

"That still doesn't explain anything."

"Well, those are the rules. If you don't wanna play you don't have to."

"I think I will quit, thank you very much. This is the silliest game I've seen yet."

The medic got up and started walking into the back, muttering all the way.

"So." Smokescreen said after he had left. "Does that mean I'm it now?"

* * *

Tag

Smokescreen, Bumblebee, and Arcee were in the back watching over their three human friends. Well, more like entertaining.

Okay! The humans didn't want to listen to Ratchet and Optimus discussing plans and tactics and stuff so they went in the back to play. And Optimus had told the 'bots to go and help keep them occupied.

Bulkhead wasn't there right now. He and Wheeljack were on patrol this morning as assigned by Ratchet, who said that Wheeljack should help with more of the 'boring' stuff when he was here.

And that was how the three 'bots and humans were left in the back with no objects to entertain them.

This time it was Raf who suggested a game that didn't require any props of any sort.

"How about we play tag?"

Bumblebee beeped [What's tag?]

"It's a game where one person is pronounced as 'it' and chases everybody else trying to tag them and make them 'it'. The idea of the game is to keep from being 'it' as long as possible, and if you do happen to become 'it' then you try and tag someone else as soon as possible."

"But why are they called 'it'?" Smokescreen asked.

"'It' is just what we call the person who tries to tag other people. It doesn't really mean anything."

"That sounds similar to a game younglings would play back on Cybertron. Slightly different of course." Arcee said, now interested in the subject.

"Ya know, that actually sounds like fun. I'm in." Jack piped up.

"Not it!" Miko yelled.

"Not it!" Jack and Raf yelled immediately after.

All three ran down separate halls and were soon out of sight, leaving the metal titans a bit confused.

Smokescreen caught on after a second and yelled "Not it!" And ran away as fast as he could.

Bumblebee soon ran in a different direction after beeping his own 'not it!'. And Arcee was left behind.

"Oh. This means I'm it doesn't it? Aw, great."

She ran after the last 'bot who had disappeared, and the game was on.

This wasn't a game of stealth, if it was anything like what she had played on Cybertron when she was young, it was a game of speed. So there was no sneaking around, just a lot of running.

She ran up and down the halls looking everywhere for any of the other competitors, making sure to look where she was running of course, no need for any unwanted squishing.

Speaking of squishable beings, she saw Raf duck behind a pipe as she turned a corner.

She tiptoed to his hiding spot, knelt down and poked behind the pipe and felt him flinch.

"Gotcha. You're it now." And with that she got up and ran as fast as she could. Yeah, there was no chance that he could catch her, but she wanted as much distance between her and anyone else as possible.

The game went on for almost a half an hour. Raf tagged Jack, Jack tagged Bumblebee, Bumblebee tagged Arcee, who tagged Miko, who tagged Smokescreen, who was currently running around trying to find another victim.

Suddenly as he turned a corner he saw Jack running away from his position. He ran towards him and as his hand reached out a thought suddenly occurred to him.

He stopped and asked Jack the question in his mind.

"How do you decide when the game is over? How do you even decide who wins?"

Jack stopped and turned. "You just kinda play until everyone is tired. And you can't really win."

"What?! We've been running around for who knows how long, playing a game that you can't even win?!"

"Yeah, pretty much."

Smokescreen just stood there for a few seconds as if he was contemplating whether he should continue with this pointless game.

Just then Jack felt a poke on his arm.

"Tag! You're it!" The rookie shouted and ran off.

"Aw man!" Jack whined, and ran in another direction, hoping to find another victim.

Back in the main room Optimus and Ratchet could hear the taunts and laughter that they were making.

"What are they doing?" Ratchet asked, hoping that whatever they were doing wasn't destroying anything of his.

Optimus, sensing his suspicion, replied "I'm sure they are being careful not to harm anything, old friend."

Ratchet wasn't convinced, but then he remembered that if they did hurt anything he had the right to wack each and every one of them over the head as punishment. Still, they better not touch anything!

* * *

Football

It was a nice day in Jasper, Nevada, and the humans were taking advantage of it. By playing some fun outdoor sports.

Jack had just gotten a new football and they were putting it to good use. He and Miko were playing some one-on-one with Raf as the referee/scorekeeper.

So far it was pretty close, Jack was only two points ahead of Miko and was three points away from winning.

The humans guardians had wandered out after while to see what they were doing, and were very curious as to why they were both so protective of the ball, and why they kept trying to get it to one side of the field. Jack wanted it to go one way, but Miko wanted it to go the other.

Arcee broke up the two humans, confused by their childishness. They should know better than to fight over something so petty. "Hey, hey, hey! Guys! Can't you take turns sharing the ball?" She scolded the juveniles. "Really, I thought you were more mature than that."

They just looked at her and laughed. This surprised her, you would think they would know how to share by this age.

"We're not fighting over the ball, Arcee. It's part of a game we're playing called Football. You have to try and score a goal on the opponent's side without letting them get the ball and scoring a point on your side." Jack explained.

"Yeah, it's just like keep-away, but with points, and rules, and tackling." Miko added.

"But, if you play it with your hands, why is it called, 'football'? Shouldn't they call it 'handball'?"

"Well, handball is already a game. It's kinda like 'squash'."

"I thought squash was an energy source."

"It is, but it's also a name for- ugh! Do you wanna play or not?!"

"Yeah, you got a bigger ball?"

The 'bots didn't want to play at first. Mostly because they had work that needed to get done. But it was explained to them that it would be good practice at keeping the Decepticons from getting relics from them. If they imagined that the football was a relic, and the other players were Decepticons, then they could practice protecting the relic without unnecessary bloodshed (or in this case, energonshed.) This did shed a more appealing light on the game, so they agreed. Ratchet was dubbed scorekeeper. And since Wheeljack was currently visiting he evened out the odds. The humans were the referees since they knew the rules to the game.

Miko went over the basics with them. They weren't going to bother with half time and different plays and all that jazz. Instead they just stuck to the base rules.

When the ball touches the ground, that's where they start the next play.

No kicking the ball except at the beginning of the game.

No weapons of any kind, this is a game, not war.

No transforming, they had to play this game as if they were humans.

Each goal is worth one point.

The first team to ten points wins

The teams were chosen. Wheeljack, Bulkhead, and Arcee were on one team, which was dubbed 'The Wreckers'. Optimus, Smokescreen, and Bumblebee were one the other and were named 'The Scouts'. Smokescreen had wanted to call it 'Team Prime', but Bumblebee said that they were all on team Prime, so they went with 'The Scouts', since the majority of the team was made up of scouts.

They had marked the field in the dust on the desert floor, and they used a smaller lobbing ball for the football despite it's lack of resemblance to the original.

It was The Wreckers who got the kick-off, Arcee was chosen since she would have better aim and was quite strong despite her size.

She kicked it halfway across the field and it was grabbed by Bumblebee! He ran as fast as he could to the goal, dodged around Bulkhead but then ran into Wheeljack and was tackled to the ground.

They lined up for the next play. The ball was passed to Optimus, he backed up and threw it to Smokescreen. Who caught it just in time and ran for the touchdown, dodging Arcee by a hair he kept running, and he scored!

Scouts: 1

Wreckers: 0

As the game progressed both teams got better and better. Arcee weaved in and out of the players with the ball, Bulkhead held off the other team quite effectively due to his large body, and Wheeljack was perfect for throwing the ball. I guess lobbing all those grenades really payed off.

The scouts weren't doing too bad either. Smokescreen was a great catcher and wasn't too shabby at throwing either. Bumblebee was also a great receiver, and was also very good, but not as good as Arcee, at weaving in and out of other players to sneak a touchdown. Optimus was the best at holding off the other players. With his height and his size it was pretty hard to get around him. His large hands made him a great catcher, and his strength made him great at throwing.

The teams passed, threw, caught, tackled, scored, and the numbers kept rising up.

First it had been 1-0

Then before you knew it it was 3-2

Then 4-7

Then 6-8

And before you knew it they were tied at 9-9

The Wreckers had the ball. They were huddled trying to figure out a plan to get that last point. Wheeljack had a plan he'd been saving for this.

"Look, Bulk, you haven't really gotten to deal with the ball much have you?"

"Well, no, not really. I'm better at keeping them from getting it."  
"Well now is your time to shine. I've got a plan."

They discussed their plan and were soon ready.

Both teams lined up. And it was time to play! Wheeljack passed the ball to Bulkhead and let him do his thing.

He ran. Not away mind you, he just took the ball and ran towards the goal barreling through anyone who got in his way. That's how the wreckers do it!

He was almost at the goal! Just another second and...Wait. Where did the ball go?

He looked down, then back, and saw that Optimus had stolen it right out from under his nasal ridge!

The Prime had a determined look on his face as he ran down the field, ball under his arm. Nobody even tried to stop him, they knew he would just plow through them.

He reached the end of the field and scored!

The Scouts win!

Miko just sat there with her mouth open. Bulkhead had been so close! Jack just sat back and said "That's why he's Prime."

* * *

A/N: I hoped you like it! I have a couple of idea's for the next chapter.

Should it be about piercings/tattoos/other odd body modifications?

Or blood/nails/toes/teeth/other aspects of the humans body that have not been mentioned yet?

Review and tell me which one you wanna see and leave any ideas you have for future chapters!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to collapse onto my bed and take a five hour nap. (I'm tired.)


	4. Body Modifications

A/N:Sorry this took so long, but I was working on two other stories before this one, and then I wasn't in a writing mood for what felt like forever.

Yeah, some parts of the last chapter weren't as well written as I would have liked, but, eh, could be a lot worse I guess.

I tried not to pick on Ratchet too much in the last chapter. I just can't help it! He's my favorite Autobot and he's just so cute when he's flustered and clueless!...Ahem...I mean...I'm trying to tone it down.

And I decided to let Arcee be the unfortunate victim to learn of these oddities. Cause Ratchet learned about hair, Bulkhead learned about the digestive system, and I already have a space saved just for Smokescreen, so the lucky one to get shocked in this chapter is she.

I learned about these things from the internet, not experience, the only modification I have are piercings in my ear lobes and I intend to keep it that way. But like the song says: "I think tattoos are cool...on other people." :D

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these adorable dorks. (I wish I did though!)

* * *

Body Modifications

"Bulkhead! Get back here! I need you to move some stuff!" Ratchet's voice rang throughout the base with such volume and irritation that it would cause any child to get nostalgic, to be reminded of their mother calling them to clean their room for the umpteenth time. To which that child would, without hesitation, answer his mother's beckoning call and comply to her wishes.

Such was the situation with our large green friend, and such was his reaction. Any other response would be foolish and would result in a painful and humiliating death by the hands of the caller. And as you know Bulkhead was no fool, while his appearance may give him the air of a dense and clueless muscle-mech, his processor was a fine tuned mechanism when it came to these sorts of scenarios.

The mech immediately responded to the call, and as the number of persons in the room was reduced by one, the remaining occupants started a conversation in the absence of their friend.

"So, what's up with you guys?" Jack asked his friends, both human and robot.

"Oh, you know, same old, fighting 'cons, collecting energon, keeping out of sight of other humans, driving you guys back and forth from school every day." Arcee replied.

"Eh, sorry about that, I know it's a hassle for you guys to do every day, I just don't have enough money to buy my own car yet."

"Oh, I wasn't complaining, I like driving you to school, it gives us time to talk."

[Yeah, it gives us a little one on one time.] Bumblebee beeped his agreement.

"So, Raf, anything interesting happening in your life that we don't already know about?" Jack leaned back into the couch where he was currently residing.

"Nothing worth talking about, everything has been pretty normal."

"Okay, Miko? Anything that we might be interested in?"

Miko had obviously been containing her excitement up until this moment, and the second she got the green light from Jack she released all her enthusiasm in a nonstop flow of words. "I got to go to a Slash Monkey concert! It was sweet! I got the best spot, and Bulk was there too! We had the best time ever! Oh my goodness, the music was awesome! With all the lights and the smoke and Slash Monkey was there! It was the best time ever! I even got some Slash Monkey merch, like these earrings." And there on her ears were the new earrings of the Slash Monkey symbol.

"I didn't know they had medics at concerts," Arcee stated as she observed the newly purchased jewelry.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Miko's rant was cut short by this unusual question.

"Well, I mean, you got, what do you humans call it? Plastic surgery? You have to have a medic to do that. Don't get me wrong, it looks nice."

"You think my earrings are plastic surgery?"

"Well, yeah, aren't they?"

"No, they're earrings, removable jewelry, I can take them out anytime." And to prove her point she removed the decorations and held them in her had for Arcee to see.

"Oh, so it's clothing. My mistake. Can I just ask you one thing?"

"Sure," Miko replied as she put the earrings back on her person as she walked over to the railing where the femme was.

"How do they stay on? I'm assuming magnets are keeping them on."

"Uh, no, they go through my piercings." Miko leaned against the railing while looking at the warrior in confusion.

Arcee jerked her head and looked at Miko as if she had heard wrong. "Wait, did you say 'piercings'?"

"Uh huh."

"As in 'stuck in a hole in you' piercings?"

"Well what else would a piercing be?"

"You have holes in your ears? I mean, besides your audio receptors of course. But, how did they get there? And why would you want to stick something in it? It could prevent it from healing."

"I got them done a couple years ago, and I don't want them to heal, then I'd have to get them re-pierced and that's a big hassle."

"You...had them done on purpose?"

"Yeah, what's so weird about that? Don't tell me that you guys have never had stuff done to your body for fashion purposes."

"Well of course we have had our trends and gotten weird stuff done to our bodies for looks. But when a 'bot gets a piercing we usually call it a battle wound."

Miko snickered at this. "Well here on earth piercings are for looks. I got mine done at a kiosk in the mall. They just mark the place, stab it, and you keep the earrings in for a couple of weeks so it doesn't heal up."

"Why your ears of all places?"

"I'm not sure. I think it's because some tribe on the other side of the world used to do it a long time ago and now it's just habit I guess."

"That's...quite fascinating."

"Yeah, I guess so. But you don't have to have them just in your ears, you can get them almost anywhere. The usual place is on the earlobes but you can get them practically anywhere depending on your preference. You can get piercings on your lip, tongue, eyebrow, nose, all along your ear, belly button, nipp-" "Miko!" "Whatever, Jack. The places Jack won't let me tell you without yelling at me." She gave him a pointed look while saying this. "I thought you guys were too busy playing games to listen to us." "I'm half listening to what you're saying" he said without taking his eyes off the screen. "Whatever" was her only reply as she turned back to Arcee.

"Anyway, piercings are done in all kinds of places, you can even get them on your back for this thing called a corset piercing. It's a whole bunch of rings in two lines down your back, then you weave a ribbon between them making it look like a corset. That is usually done on the back, but I saw a picture of someone with one on the front of their neck."

At this Arcee unconsciously put a hand to her own neck as if imagining the pain someone would have to go through to get that. "Why would you want to go through that? Right! I know. Fashion. You humans do a lot for fashion you know that? It seems kinda ridiculous the way you mutilate yourselves just for looks."

"Says the shiny brightly colored alien who is, oh, I don't know, trying to stay undercover and is currently fighting a war?" Jack said as he watched Raf and 'Bee play their video game, which they had started when the subject of the conversation no longer interested them.

"Touché, but we are not THAT bad." Arcee replied. "I guess it seems so strange because we don't have these particular modifications. Ours are different from yours. If you learned about the modifications we have you'd be pretty surprised."

Hearing this reminded Miko of a question she had been wanting to ask for awhile now. "Speaking of which. I was wondering about your Autobot brands."

"What about them?"

"Well I always thought that they were practically the same as tattoos, but then when Optimus came back and had the Decepticon symbol, and then you just changed it back to Autobot, how did you do that so easily?"

"Well the symbol is a separate piece of metal that is grafted onto us and is then cut into the shape of either the Autobot symbol, or the Decepticon symbol."

"So you can just change it? I wish tattoos were that easy to change. Once you get a tattoo it's pretty much permanent. Well, you can get them removed with laser surgery. But I think it costs a lot. There's another way that involves, like, scrubbing the tattoo with some stuff until you have removed enough skin layers or something. I don't know if there is any other way, there probably is somewhere out there."

"Well, how does a tattoo work? Do they print it on you like ink on paper?"

"Well, yes and no. Now, I don't know if getting a symbol put on you hurts or not, but tattoos do. They basically stick needles in you and inject ink into your skin in a certain pattern which makes a picture. I dunno how much it hurts cause I've never gotten one. But I'm hoping to eventually, just as soon as I'm old enough."

"Well why would yo- never mind, I already know the answer."

"Ya know, tattoos aren't always used for fashion. I once read about how burn victims would get special tattoos to cover their burns. They would tattoo the scarred area so that it looks like the rest of their skin, it's pretty neat."

Wow, so these tattoos could be used for more than just fashion.

"One kind of tattoo I recently heard about is an eyeball tattoo."

"What?!" And here we go, back to the weird stuff.

"Yeah, you heard me. Apparently you can get the white part of your eye tattooed a different color. Like black, blue, yellow, pretty much any color you can think of."

"That's gross."

"It is kinda frighting when you look up pictures of them. And I'm pretty sure those are permanent, so no backing out on that decision. I don't think I'd ever want one of those, if I wanna have freaky eyes I'll wear contacts. But that's not all you can get done to your eyeball."

"It's not?" Arcee sounded like she was gonna be sick.

"Nope, you can get a small thin piece of metal shaped like a heart, star, or whatever shape you want put in your eyeball so that it looks like you've constantly got something in your eye."

"Wouldn't that be annoying? Not just to yourself but to other people?"

At this Miko laughed. "Yeah, people would always be like 'hey, you got something in your eye' and you'd have to keep telling them 'no, I got it done on purpose, it's for fashion.'"

They both laughed quite loudly at this image, causing the other occupants in the room to look at them in confusion. The three boys, after realizing that they were laughing over something that had been said and not at them, shrugged in dismissal and turned back to their video game. Raf and Jack were now playing, and thanks to the distraction they had to start over.

After the two females had finished with their bout of laughter and had caught their breath, Miko added another oddity to the list that Arcee had learned today.

"Did you know that in Japan there's a big trend going on where people are getting bagels on their foreheads?"

Arcee looked at Miko. Well that had taken an unexpected turn. To make sure she wasn't just hearing things she asked "did you say 'bagels'?"

"Well, they're not really bagels. They get a saline solution injected into their forehead making a bubble, then they press their thumb into the center making it a bagel shape. It's not permanent, they have to get it redone every now and then, but it does looks kinda weird."

Arcee thought that she had heard enough and wanted to get out of there before the human launched into another conversation about another aspect of human culture that she really didn't want to know about. "I think I've learned enough about your 'trends' for today Miko."

"Well don't worry, next time I'll have done my research and I'll tell you about even more weird trends!"

"No, that's alright." Arcee started backing towards the door, hoping to get a little distance between her and the girl. "I'm pretty sure I've learned all I need to." Then suddenly she smacked into something and bounced forward, nearly falling down.

"Hey Miko! I'm back." So that's what she had bumped into. "Oh, hey Arcee. Sorry I bumped into you, but you should really look where you're going."

"That's alright Bulkhead. I'll remember that next time." She eased her way around him and made for the door. "I'm going out on patrol, see you later!" And with that she quickly transformed and raced out of the base.

When Jack saw her leaving he got up from the couch and ran to the railing. "But Arcee! You have to drive me to work in ten minutes! Arcee! ARCEE!"

* * *

A/N: Yay! This chapter's done! Smokescreen is the unlucky victim next time. The theme is going to be...a surprise! In a future chapter I may pick on Ratchet again along with someone else.


	5. Food

A/N: *crawls out of grave* *spits dirt out of mouth* Why'd ya bury me? I'm not dead!

Wow, I haven't updated in foreeeeeeeeever! My reasons: Our computer crashed and we had to get a new one, I started school and got a job so my free time is very limited, and I'm just really lazy.

But I haven't given up on this fic! I hate unfinished fanfics and so I have promised to never abandon a story, even if it takes forever to write.

So, yeah, anyhoo! I hope you enjoy this (It's quite amusing to tramatize my robot children with the oddities of our world. *evil chuckling*)

Disclaimer: Why do I even?...Fine...I don't own anything.

* * *

Food

Smokescreen and Jack were currently on a mission out in the woods, well, a mission for Jack anyway. They were searching for different types of rocks for a school project that was due the next day. Jack had initially wanted to take advantage of the 'Bot's ground bridge to collect rare rocks, but every person he had consulted with agreed that it was dishonest and that the teacher would know he hadn't gotten them from Jasper and it's surrounding...desert. He kinda already knew that he wouldn't get away with it or even be allowed, but the thought was a nice one, coming into school with brightly colored rocks from the other side of the world and getting an A-plus. But as we know life is never that easy, and that is why he was searching for rocks in this forest. They had allowed him to groundbridge to the nearest forest (which is farther than you think), for it would be easier for his teacher to believe that he had gotten them on a trip that took them near a forest than if he had gotten them on a trip around the world.

Smokescreen had come along for...um...well, actaully I think the only reason he came along was because he was bored. But had he known what conversations they would have he might have opted for boredom if it meant avoiding this topic.

"Only two more and then we can go home." Jack declared, arms full of what looked to be identical rocks, but he knew the difference...at least, he said he did.

"Good, it's hard having to walk this slow for so long. Your legs are so short, it must take forever to get anywhere. How did you people even get around before cars?"

"Horse and wagon, boats, and a whole lot of walking mostly."

"Must have been exhausting" Smokescreen sighed and stretched his arms, feeling tired at the thought of having to walk everywhere without the ability to just transform and drive wherever he wanted to go.

"Humans were stronger back then because of it." Jack rubbed his stomach as it let out a series of rumbles. "I can't wait to finish up, I'm starving."

Smokescreen perked up at hearing this. He knew how to fix this! He had learned from Bulkhead that humans ate plants as part of their diet.

He searched the surrounding area and soon set his eyes on a suitable meal for his friend. He ran towards it, leaving a very confused Jack behind.

Jack stared after him, wondering what he was doing. He knew that Smokescreen wouldn't just leave him all alone in the forest, would he?

His question was partially answered when he saw Smokescreen emerge from the foliage holding a...branch?

The Autobot dropped the limb, which to him was about the size of a match, but to the humans was as big as a baseball bat, and looked expectantly at Jack. "Here ya go" was all he said.

Jack looked between the branch and the smiling 'Bot, still wondering what he was doing. Well, the only way to get answers was to ask questions. "Uh...What is this?"

"It's a branch" Smokescreen answered.

"I know that, but why did you bring it to me?"

"You said you were hungry."

Jack hadn't made the connection yet and just raised an eyebrow. "And?..."

"And what? You said you were hungry so I got you something to eat."

"I can't eat this, it's too tough."

"Well, eat the leaves then, humans do eat plants don't they?"

"Yeah, but not all plants, just certain kinds, if I ate this I might get sick."

"Oh, okay" and he snatched it up and quickly flung the offending object back into the woods. "So, what kinda plants do you eat?"

"It's okay Smokescreen, I'll just wait 'till I'm done here, I'm in the mood for a burger anyway." He resumed his hunt for rocks, finding one behind a nearby tree, assuming their conversation was over.

"I can find a burger if you want. What does it look like?"

"Uh, you're not going to find any burgers around here."

"Why not? I could set my scanner to fin-"

"No, you wouldn't find any because there isn't any meat or bread around here."

Smokescreen's face clearly said that he didn't know what on Cybertron he was talking about.

Jack sighed. Time for another lesson about humans. "Bread is made mostly from grain, which is a plant, but it has to be processed first. And meat comes from animals."

Smokescreen's face didn't change. "What do you mean 'it comes from animals'?"

Oh darn, now he had to explain this whole thing. "Meat is basically different parts of an animal that is cooked and then eaten. It's the...flesh of an animal." As soon as he said it he knew he should have just dropped the subject when he had a chance.

If Smokescreen was a human he would have paled, then turned green. "You mean" he said in a quivering voice "that you eat other organics?"

"Well...yeah. It's a regular part of our diet, we eat it all the time. Have been since the beginning of time."

Smokescreen stared into with unseeing optics for an uncomfortable amount of time. Jack was starting to get worried. "Smokescreen? You alright there, buddy?"

Smokescreen cleared his throat and rasped out. "Does that mean you eat other humans too?"

"What?! No! Cannibalism is illegal!"

That didn't help. If it was illegal then that means it has happened before, and may still happen today.

Jack barely managed to jump out of the way as Smokescreen bolted for the nearest tree and collapsed to his knees behind it. The sounds of retching and liquid splashing reached Jack's ears. Well, that answered his question about if they could vomit or not. But he was kinda wishing he hadn't found out this way.

A sour and acidic stench filled the area and the contents of Smokescreen's stomach were emptied. His bout of vomiting eventually slowed to the occasional spasm and he eventually dragged himself away from the mess and back to Jack.

Wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand he looked at Jack and reset his vocaliser.

"So..." Was all he said after a few seconds. "Humans eat the flesh of animals." Jack nodded his head.

"And humans have eaten other humans on more than one occasion." Jack nodded his head again and quickly added "but it's not very common and it is illegal."

Smokescreen looked like he was about to puke again but he vented a deep breath and resisted the urge.

"And this is a common thing among you?"

"Well, there are people who refuse to eat meat called vegetarians. They get the protein they need from other stuff, like beans and...um...other stuff. I don't know exactly, I'm not a vegetarian."

'Oh scrap', Smokescreen thought. 'That means he's eaten meat before?' Oh Primus, and he had helped to put those, ugh, meat things all over Vince's car! He'd touched them! Had he washed his servos when he got back to base? Was some of it still on him? He had organic blood on him!

"If you're gonna puke again would you please go back behind the tree?"

Smokescreen realized he must have had a horrified expression on his face while he was thinking these things and quickly relaxed his facial plates. "No, that's okay, I'm good. I just... how do you humans stand it? Eating your own kind?"

"We're not 'eating our own kind'. Well, okay, meat is organic, but that's just the way it is for us, it's the natural way. Certain animals eat other animals too, sometimes their own species." Jack regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. He slapped a hand to his face, "Uh, how 'bout we drop the subject actually? I think you've learned more than enough about meat."

"Yes please. Can we go back to base now?"

"Well, I still need one more rock an-" thunk! A rather large rock landed in front of him.

"There's your rock, NOW can we go?"

"Yeah, if you're willing to carry that back, my arms are already full."

Smokescreen picked up the rock with ease and tossed it in the air as he called for a ground bridge. And as always, Ratchet wasted no time in replying to their request and opened the bridge mere seconds after he was asked.

As the walked throught the swirling green vortex Smokescreen couldn't stop thinking about what they had talked about. Yeah, it was pretty gross that they ate meat, but was it really as bad as it sounded? He suddenly had the image of a bunch of humans tearing apart the body of one of those things he'd seen running around lately, what were they called? Dogs? Did they just attack an animal whenever they were hungry? Tearing them apart with their bare hands and teeth? Eating the raw and bloody meat just as it is? The very thought made him feel nausious all over again.

"Hey Jack."

"Just a minute!" He was evidentially stacking the rocks they had collected in a corner on the second level where nobody would trip over them. "Could you bring that one over and put it right here?" Oh yeah! He still had the last rock in his hand! Quickly walking over he placed the rock in the indicated spot.

"Why do you need these again?"

"It's for biology class, we're supposed to be indentifying rocks for some reason. It's ridiculous. Why couldn't we have just done leaves or something lighter then *grunt* these things?" He was struggling with the last one, trying to roll it closer to the wall. Smokescreen gave it a poke with his finger and it easily slid into place. "Thanks," said Jack as he flopped onto the couch and flipped on the tv.

"Hey," the 'bot asked, "I was wondering if you would mind, um, telling me more about what you guys eat?" He grinned nerviously, not out of fear that Jack would reject him, but that he might be right in his theory, that they really were vicious savages who tore animals apart when hungry, and he wanted to get the truth before he lost his nerve.

Jack scratched his chin as he considered this, eyes darting around looking for a place for Smokescreen to barf should he need to eh, the floor was a good place as any.

"Alright, I guess so, what do you wanna know exactly?" He replied, turning around to face the 'bot.

"Well, um, like how do you guys eat...meat, anyway? Where do you get it? Stuff like that."

"That's easy, it comes from slaughterho- I mean! The animals are raised and fattened on farms then are sent to a place where they're...killed, and cut into pieces. Then the meat is packaged and sent to stores and other businesses where it's cooked and sold, or it's sold raw and you cook it yourself at home." After a pause he added "then we eat it."

Smokescreen was glad he finally understood how this whole 'meat' thing worked, but he didn't want to dawdle on the subject too long. His previous hypothesis had started reminding him of stories he had heard of Cybertronians consuming the blood of a dead mech during tough times, which was normally considered illegal, but sometimes you have to make do. He had even heard stories of mechs, mostly Decepticons, who would eat parts of other Cybertronians just for the pleasure of it. They were sick mechs indeed.

One in particular had a fetish for sticking a mech's processor in it's own mouth, then eating the head after the victim died. The memory of the rumor caused a shudder to run up his spine and a queasy feeling in his fuel tank.

"Hey, you okay there man? You're not looking so hot, I shouldn't have brought it up at all, I'm sorry."

He stopped Jack mid-rant, "No, it's okay, I was just thinking about something else. I'm good, see?" He gave him a reassureing smile. "But, tell me, if you can't eat branches, what plants do you eat?"

Glad they were off the subject of meat, Jack gladly indulged him in the catagories of their diet, including the origins of many of the nutrients.

He told him all about vegatables, fruits, pre-packaged foods, fast food, sugary foods, even a little about vegan foods. Why, by the time he was done you could practically see Smokescreen's head spinning from all of it. Just as Jack was finishing talking about sugar and caffene highs he noticed the dazed zombie-like look on the bot's face and realized he had heard about enough.

As a final note to the lecture he cleared his throat and said "And that is all you need to know about human diets really."

An awkward silence followed. Smokescreen's expression hadn't changed after the lack of dialogue which was unnerving. "Smokescreen?" Jack asked hesitantly.

Smokescreen jumped like he'd been slapped. "What? Is it over?"

Jack scoffed in disbelief. "Did you hear anything I said?!"

"Sort of, I got most of it...I think."

Before Jack could reply Bulkhead drove in and transformed, holding a hysterical Miko in his servo. He raced over to them in search of assistance, a flustered expression on his face.

"All I did was take her out to lunch and then on the way home she started acting all nutty!" Bulkhead said, worriedly watching Miko as she sat there giggling and flopping herself all over his servo. Her hysteria was a little unnerving to watch no matter your species.

"What on earth did she eat?" Jack asked, even though he could pretty much guess what the answer was gonna be.

"I dunno, just a bunch of small packaged things with brown squares in them. Does it matter?" "Yes it does. Smokescreen, Bulkhead, what you are seeing is what we humans call a 'sugar high', she's stuffed herself stupid with chocolate and has completely lost it." As Jack explained this he approached Miko until he was almost directly in her face.

She giggled drunkenly from her upside-down position on Bulkhead's servo. "Your hair looks like a Gothic mop, y'know that, right?" "Jack spluttered in disbelief and stepped back. "What?! No it doesn't!" She only replied with a wide eyed grin and more creepy giggling.

"Your hair does kinda look like a mop," Smokescreen said in realization.

"Shut up!"

* * *

A/N: I hoped you liked it! I haven't decided who to traumitize in the next chapter yet, but it will be about more physical aspects of humans, things like blood, nails, teeth, little things that make humans and Cybertronians different.

Leave any thoughts you have in the comments, all comments/follows/favorites are appreciated!


	6. Halloween Special

A/N: Someone asked for a Halloween special, and it's only... *checks calander* 2 months late! Not bad considering!...Yeah, I'm super late at everything, but hey, I'm gonna throw in a Christmas speciel next chapter! Merry Christmas everyone!

I couldn't decide whether to make the Autobots or the Decepticons the ones celebrating Halloween, so I decided to do both! Why? Because I can and I want to!

Disclaimer: Guess who doesn't own Transformers? That's right, me!

"You want me to do what?"

Miko was always coming up with crazy ideas, and Ratchet had gotten pretty used to it, but this request was quite...odd.

"Jack and Raf and I are throwing a Halloween party for you guys since you've never celebrated any of the holidays we have and we want you to dress up in costumes, I already have them planned out!"

"Wh-what?"

"Yeah! So, I was thinking that Bulkhead could go as Frankenstein's monster, and you could go as Dr. Frankenstein, all you'd need is a lab coat. Pretty cool, huh? Ooh! And Arcee could go as a witch with Jack as her cat, he won't mind, right? And I thought Smokescreen could be a vampire, and Optimus could be a ghost, we'll need a really big sheet for him, and Bumblebee could go as, well, a bumblebee, and Raf could be a flower, I thought it would be cool if their costumes matched, and I was gonna go as a zombie! Great, right? Waddya think?"

"...I have one question."

"Sure! What?"

"What are you talking about?"

She groaned exasperatedly and hung her head in frustration. "I'm talking about the Halloween party we're throwing! Didn't you hear anything I said?!"

"Yes, I heard what you said, but what is Halloween?!"

She blinked a couple times. "Didn't I tell you?"

"NO!"

"Oh! Well, Halloween is a holiday where people dress in spooky costumes, decorate their houses with spiders, webs, skeletons, pumpkins, and other scary junk like that, and kids go door to door on Halloween night saying "Trick 'r Treat!" and people give them candy. It's a night for scary stories, scary movies, tricks and pranks, wearing costumes, and of course lots and lots of candy!"

"I see. But, what is the purpose of all this? Is this a celebration of some kind?"

"I think it used to be a holiday called "Hallow's Eve" that was about warding off evil spirits or something like that a long time ago, now it's just a holiday about scaring people and getting scared, and we're gonna have our own party! I can't wait to tell the others!"

"You haven't told anyone else yet?"

"Not yet, but they're gonna love it!"

"Don't you think some of them might disagree with parts of it?"

"What's not to love? It's a party! There'll be food, candy, music, and we'll all be here, why wouldn't they like it?"

"I'm not talking about the party, I'm talking about the costumes, I just don't think Jack would want to be a cat, or Raf a flower, why don't you ask their opinion? They might have their own costumes in mind."

"Oh...Yeah...I guess I got carried away. I'll ask them when they get back. But I still want you to go as Dr. Frankenstein! Bulkhead's already agreed to go as the monster. Please say you'll do it. Please? Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleeeeeeeeeeease?"

"Alright alright! I'll do it!"

"Thanks Ratch!" She ran up to him and hugged as much of his foot as she could.

"You know, I was gonna do it after the first time you asked me."

Later...

"Remind me why I agreed to do this again?"

This lab coat was way too baggy, it itched, and he was afraid it was gonna get caught on something and rip every time he moved, so he ended up walking stiffly around like a fragging Barbie doll. The glasses he was wearing weren't helping either, since he didn't have a nose they were attached to his face with duct tape, which was even itchier than the coat was. All the way around he felt like a complete idiot.

"Because whether you or not you wanna admit it you can't stand to disappoint the kids," Arcee said walking up to him. She had agreed to dress as a witch and was pulling it off fabulously. Her crest wasn't a problem for the hat like she had worried about, the large amount of space inside the hat covered it without a problem. They had had to cut slits in her cape to make room for her winglets and her broom was made of a metal poll with some steel wool attached to the end making a very fluffy broom, but other than that her costume was perfect.

"I thought this was a great idea!" Bulkhead said as he helped 'Bee put the finishing touches of paint on his door wings for his devil costume. Bulkhead had on a (very) large overcoat and cardboard bolts taped to his neck. Miko had done him the favor of painting scars in random places on him for a final effect.

Bumblebee was dressed in a devil costume, he had no idea what it was though, he only chose it 'cause he like the horns and the tail, and he got to wield a trident as well, which was a plus.

"I don't know whether I like thith or not." Smokescreen picked at the false fangs in his mouth that completed his vampire costume. "These tathe weird and make me talk funny."

Miko stifled a snicker at hearing his lisp. "It might help if you say 'she sells sea shells by the seashore'."

"Thee thells theethells by the theethore." Smokescreen spluttered out and Miko couldn't help but burst out laughing at his attempt at the tongue twister.

"Hey! Thath not funny!" Smokescreen turned with a huff and started to stomp out but was stopped when he saw Optimus and his costume. At least, he thought it was Optimus, the white figure was about the right height and now that he thought about it there really wasn't anyone else it could be.

"Boo." The mysterious person said. Yup, definitely Optimus, no one else had a voice that deep.

"What are you dressed as, Optimus?" Arcee asked, picking at the wires on her broom.

"I have been told that my costume is a ghost. Human depictions of ghosts are different from ours as you can see. I have also been told that 'boo' is the correct phrase to say for this masquerade, is that correct, Jack?"

"Right on the money, Optimus. It looks great by the way."

"Thank you, Jack. May I ask what you, Miko, and Raf are dressing as?"

"Oh, well I'm going as a logger man, finally found a use for this plaid shirt, Miko is a zombie, hence the fake blood, though I think she should have warned everyone beforehand that it was fake, I've never seen Ratchet look so scared before, I thought Smokescreen was gonna puke...again...And, uh, Raf is going as a shadow."

"A...shadow?"

"Yeah, there he is right now, in that dark corner...I think...Well, anyway, he saw the idea online and thought it was really cool, so he made it his costume for tonight.

"Enough chitchat!" Miko hollered from her place on top of one of the giant amps decorating the room. "Let's get this part started!" She grabbed her guitar from it's stand and raised her arm to play.

Ratchet groaned. "Why did I agree to this? Why?"

Meanwhile on the Nemesis...

"You want me to do what?!"

"Oh come on, Starscream," Knock Out said, he was trying to persuade their commander into attending a little get-together the Vehicons had planned in celebration of an earth holiday called 'Halloween', but Starscream didn't seemed thrilled at the idea. "It'll be fun, and all you have to do is wear a costume to get in."

"'Get in'? What is this? A secret club or something, do I need a password too? Do I get a club hat if I pass initiation? We. Are. At. War! We don't have time for social events or any of that nonsense!"

"Now now, commander, nobody likes sarcasm," Knock Out chided, "It's just a small one-time thing that the soldiers wanted. It's a masquerade party, there will be energon, we managed to get a little music, and everyone is going in costume, even myself. And the best part? Megatron doesn't know about it. You know, I bet the soldiers would really look up to a potential leader who takes time to attend such an event with them, someone who is willing to take precious time out of their busy schedule to ensure their happiness. Don't you agree, _commander_?"

Starscream just gave him a look that said 'really? That's the best you could come up with?' "That's a terrible argument and you know it."

"Well it was worth a shot. So are you coming or not? I don't have all solar cycle, I've got things to do."

Starscream thought about it for a second and growled in frustration. "Fine! I'll come to your stupid party."

"Good! Now the party is tonight so you'd better hurry and come up with a costume before then."

"Wh-what?! It's tonight?!"

"Oh, didn't I tell you?"

"NO!"

"Well, I'm sure you'll come up with something or other before tonight." And without waiting for an answer he quickly walked down the hall leaving a fuming Starscream.

Later...

"Of all the costumes you could have chosen, Starscream. Why, pray tell, did you choose this one?"

Starscream stared at Knock Out in dissapointment, surely he of all mechs would understand his costume. He adjusted the crown on his helm before answering.

"Well I thought it would be obvious my dear medic, I am the rightfull leader of the Decepticons!"

"Lord Megatron?"

"NO! I said the RIGHTFUL leader of the Decepticons, Lord Starscream, supreme leader of Cybertron!"

"Sooo you came here dressed as yourself but with a crown (a poorly made crown by the way) and a cape?"

"Well, you gave me such short notice what else was I supposed to do?" Starscream paused and took in the other's costume. "What are you supposed to be again?"

Knock Out sighed, "I'm a witch, it's a very common but fashionable costume among the squishies. Well, the party's already started so unless you're planning on spending the entire night out here we'd better go in, everybody else is already here."

Music blasted out of the room as soon as they opened the door revealing a crowd of Vehicons who were either dancing, talking in groups, or hanging around the energon dispenser, except for that one guy who appeared to have had too much high grade and was having a thrilling conversation with...um...a wall. Aaaaaand now he was flirting with the wall, time to look away.

Breakdown could be seen over the heads of the crowd on the other side of the room, he barreled over to them as soon as he saw them enter.

Breakdown's costume was definetely...fitting. The tail and ears were a bit odd, but hey, every witch needs a cat sidekick.

"Commander, I'm glad you could make it!" He had to shout to be heard over the pounding beat of the music.

"Yes, good to see you too, where did all these Vehicons come from?! Is there anyone who is on patrol?!"

"Of course, they just take turns between working and partying, it works out for everyone! Now stop worrying and get yourself some high grade, enjoy the party!"

Breakdown grabbed Starscream by his scrawny arm, dragged him over to the dispenser, and shoved a cube into his servos.

'Maybe I should have stayed in my quarters,' Starscream thought to himself as he sipped the energon.

A/N: Hope you liked this chapter. Now, on to the Christmas special!


	7. Christmas Special

A/N: Here's a short Christmas special for you all!

Disclaimer: Oh TFP, oh TFP, your rights are sadly not mine, oh TFP, oh TFP, I wish they were, but they're not.

Arcee slowly onlined her optics and stared at the ceiling of her room. The beginning of another day, best get up and get it started. She stretched her arms as she sat up and noticed something was off, there was a fuzzy tickly feeling all over her. She looked down and immediately saw the cause, there were long silver and gold fuzzy (dead?) snakes wrapped all around her.

She started picking them off but they kept breaking and getting caught in her joints, guess she would have to get some help with this.

But before she had made it to her door she heard a loud pained scream coming from Ratchet's room. Her decorations forgotten she flew out the door down the hall and into Ratchet's room where she saw...Ratchet? At least, she thought it was Ratchet. Same build, same voice screaming in horror, same height, same optics, but this Ratchet wasn't orange and white, he was...red and white?

The medic was covered in red and white stripes spiraling around his person, if he didn't look so horror-stricken she'd say he looked kinda pretty.

"Get. This. OFF ME!" Ratchet screamed at her.

"Calm down, Ratchet, I'm sure it'll wash right off."

But before she coud say anything else she heard muffled yelling coming from down the hall.

"Hang in there, Ratchet, I'm gonna check on the others, I have a feeling we aren't the only ones like this."

She ran down the hall and turned the corner. She was met with the sight of a sparkling Bumblebee, a green and red-clad Smokescreen, and a rathar large bush.

Now, Bumblebee wasn't a sparkling like a young Cybertronian, but he was literally sparkling, like, covered in glitter kind of sparkling, that's right, he was covered helm to pede-tip in gold glitter, and for some reason he had a yellow triangle stuck behind his head.

Smokescreen was dressed in a red and green tunic with a matching pointy hat on his helm, a little bell decorated the hat as well making it jingle every time he turned his head.

"You too, huh?" The bush said with a voice that sounded a lot like Bulkhead.

"Yeah, it seems we've all been pranked, who was screaming just a little while ago?"

Smokescreen coughed, "Um, that might've been me? What? I saw Bumblebee like that and thought he was some kind of ghost or spirit!"

"Oh whatever, do you guys know who did this?"

"It's not that hard to figure out, Arcee, who else besides us has access to the base?"

"Of course. Figures the humans would do something like this, especially a certain female human."

Bulkhead laughed nervously. "Uh, hey! What about Optimus? Do you think they got him too?"

"Scrap! I'll be right back." She spun around and raced for Optimus' room.

"Hey! Wait! We need help unwrapping Bulkhead!" Smokescreen yelled after her. Bumblebee also beeped something about glitter sticking to everything but she was too far away by then to hear.

She skidded to a stop in front of their leaders room and knocked on the door.

Optimus opened it just a crack and peeked out at her, and after seeing the state she was in, opened the door all the way revealing that he too had been pranked by their human friends.

Now, Arcee was no expert when it came to human holidays, but she knew a Santa Claus costume when she saw one.

"It appears that our human friends have decided that we should participate in their celebration of the holiday, Christmas. Their methods, however, should have been more thoroughly contemplated."

"Yeah," Arcee agreed. After a few awkward second of silence she added, "it looks great on you by the way."

"Thank you, Arcee."

Meanwhile on the Nemesis...

"GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!"

The loud screech was brought to the attention of two Vehicons who were patrolling the halls, and of course they couldn't resist checking out the source of the noise.

After running up and down countless halls (the Nemesis was pretty echo-y and it was hard to pinpoint the source) they finally found the room where the screams were coming from and peeked in.

Their senor officer, the second in command of the entire Decepticon fleet, their (beloved?) commander, was sitting in a tree.

Well, sitting wasn't the right word for it. Trapped was the better word for this situation. Starscream latest punishment for failure was evidentally being tied to the top of a giant evergreen tree with a string of lights. Everyone else in the room was obediently ignoring him, per Megatrons orders they guessed, but that didn't keep Starscream from making his objection known, and quite loudly at that.

The two Vehicons resumed their patrol down the hall after getting an optic-full of the humiliating sight.

"Megatron sure is getting creative with his punishments, isn't he?" One said.

"Yeah, but then again, his name is STARscream." the other said and laughed.

The first Vehicon laughed along with him for a second but then stopped. "I don't get it."

A/N: Back to the regular old chapters now.


End file.
